It isn't easy to go against the grain, to make decisions that are unaligned with the group, especially if that group is something we identify ourselves with. When we step outside of the norms, we run the risk of becoming an outcast, ostracized by the people who were our peers, friends and family.
We hear "be true to yourself", but that can be difficult when that truth means losing acceptance.
The fastest way to discover what personal areas of opportunity there may be to work on, is to list a few people you admire and a few people you dislike and discover what traits are attractive and which are repulsive. Often we look up to people we want to be like, and dislike people who are like us, which could explain some of the "opposites attract" reasons.
Doing this can bring direction to our path forward. If we can recognize the traits we dislike in ourselves, it can give us a chance to affect our behavior and avoid some self- limitation and destruction, and to counteract what we can't change. When we are aware of the traits we want to exhibit, we can invest into building them, into growing into the direction we feel is the best version of ourselves.
I don't know what the best version of me is, as it feels like a process of continual investigation and adjustment. However, I do know there are times I act as I would like myself to act and other times, where I know it was far from what I would want to see in others. I can blame and make excuses for my poor behavior, I can use stress and frustration as the catalyst, but at the end of the day, is anything we do excusable, even if there are reasons for it?
Of course we should be able to forgive bad behavior and perhaps everything is forgivable under the right conditions, but I do think that it has to be coupled with changed behavior. If we don't learn from our mistakes and instead just keep repeating them, recycling the excuses, can we expect to be forgiven, should we forgive ourselves?
The way society has been structured now is as a celebration of victimhood, where those who have the most excuses are the winner. In order to be celebrated in the past, it would require overcoming adversity, beating the odds, going against the grain - but now it requires no action, ne response to conditions, no adjustment, no facing the challenge.
I wrote a post a long time ago, one of my first on the blockchain, about surviving suffering titled, The Glass Path. I have long explored the idea of wanting to have an easy life, a smooth path forward, but recognized that when people recall the most influential moments of their lives, it is almost entirely about overcoming adversity, proving to themselves and the world that they have what it takes.
Why? Because we are human. Defeat is fleeting and defiance in the face of adversity is our trademark. The glass path we walk cracks beneath our steps, splinters into new directions but will remain ever faithful to the universe; It will always seek change.
But what happens when we no longer have the need to face adversity, when the incentive shifts to living as a victim of ourselves and our conditions, rather than a champion over ourselves and conditions? What happens when we identify with our perceived limitations to the point that we are unwilling to lose them, as they are a part of us. This makes overcoming adversity a loss of who we are and rather than becoming the best versions of ourselves, we are rewarded to be far less than what we could be, to act and react on our default.
If we have been convinced that staying the same is enough, influenced to no longer strive for better, all the grain runs in the same direction, but we lose our humanity and behave robotically, moving only on the programming installed.
It is an easy when we don't have to think for ourselves and can have excuses and lay blame for why we act and have the results we do - but it isn't an easy life to live, as it is a life of constant suffering, as at our core, we know we aren't behaving as who we are meant to be, even though we are acting as expected, just like everyone else.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]