You're praying for the right person, but are you the right person?...

An image of me

My friend came to me the other day and said, “Bi, how far, I need you to connect me to the right people, I need good friends, people I can trust, loyal people and peeps who are genuine.”

I understood her

I mean, who doesn't want that?

We all want people who, we can call when life gets messy,

who won't use our weaknesses against us. People who will tell us the truth, stand by us, and genuinely want the best for us.

But after listening to her, I asked her something that made the conversation a little deeper.

“Do you think you are that kind of person too?” and that question also stayed with me...

Because we are very good at describing the kind of people and things we want.

We want loyal friends who are honest, partners who can communicate.

We want people who respect us and people who keep to their word as well as them being trusted

But how often do we stop and ask ourselves, “Do I give people the same things I am asking them for?”

Sometimes, we are so busy praying for the right people that we forget to prepare ourselves to be the right person in the right timing

You want someone you can trust, but can people trust you?

You want honesty, but what happens when someone tells you something you don't want to hear?

Wants someone who understands you, but do you take time to understand other people?

You want loyalty but are you loyal when things don't benefit you? Are you loyal in their absence?

These questions may sound simple, but they can be uncomfortable when we genuinely answer them.

And this isn't just about friendships, it's applicable in relationships too.

We pray, “God, please send me the right person," someone like this, like that, you'll even give preference of what you don't have to give

But what if the person God sends is also going to need someone who knows how to love properly, to communicate, apologise, listen, respect boundaries, and take responsibility?

Now, are you that person?

Because, the truth is, you can be a good person and still be wrong for a good person.

You can love someone and still hurt them, you can have a good heart and still have unhealthy habits.

You can care deeply about people and still need to work on how you communicate with them.

That is why self-reflection is important...

Not because we should sit around judging ourselves, but because we should be honest enough to recognise the things we need to change.

Because you can't consistently give what you don't have.

If you want honesty, practise honesty, if you want loyalty, practise loyalty, if you want kindness, give kindness and if you want trust, become trustworthy.

We can't keep asking people to bring qualities into our lives that we refuse to develop within ourselves.

And pretending doesn't help either, you can pretend to be patient, loyal, honest or caring just to get someone into your life, but eventually, who you really are will show. You can't keep pretending forever, just so you know

So maybe the next time you say, “God, connect me to the right people,” pause for a moment.

Look at yourself and ask yourself, "If I met someone exactly like me, would I want them in my life?”

That question might be uncomfortable...

It isn't about finding the right people, it is us becoming the kind of person we are hoping to find.