Sooo..
Today's subject was a completely new term for me, first because I wasn't a mom so I wasn't aware that there is such a thing as feeling bad or bullied for your parenting style, and second because I thought that we overcame that silly behavior in high-school..
Boy, was I wrong!
I did tell you that you can expect more parenting. baby related yet sarcastic and learning blogs from me. It's not that I don't want to write fiction, recipes or stories, it's just the fact that having a baby changes your life completely. As a matter of fact I can't really think about other things too much.
I still love reading books, having a lonely walk with my dog, daydream about traveling, cooking when I have time. But the reality is that I don't have time to do much besides feed, change and take care of the little one. Not that I'm complaining, rather trying to warn my readers :)
Now, let's get back to our subject for today. The thought was sparked by a random woman on the street. She asked me if I was nursing, and when I (proudly) said "yes" she continued with:
"But why? Get him off as soon as you can, so that he can be more independent?"
Say what?! You heard (read) it right, independent. That was one of the unwanted advice that I mentioned in my previous blog. I stood there speechless, while she judged my choice, with no obvious reason.
Let me just put it out there, there is no independent baby. We, as a pretty smart species are VERY limited in the first few years of our life. When animals are born they have to walk almost instantly, feed, run from predators etc. Where human babies need six months just to be able to sit properly. That being said, the comment just became more and more ridiculous, the more I thought about it. It was purely shaming, trying to impose opinion or make somebody feel bad.
That got me thinking and looking back to all the comments I heard or read about, regarding parenting, especially motherhood. To make things worse, the people shaming moms were mothers themselves. Let me give you some examples, just for fun:
- Why are you wearing make-up? You should be focused only on the baby!
- Oh, you still haven't lost the baby-weight? You have to take more care of what you eat!
- He is crying so hard because you spoiled him!
- My kids never did that!
- How can you nurse in a public place?
- You shouldn't let him have a pacifier!
- Why are you letting your dog be near your baby?
Damn, looks like my kid is never going to become a real boy if you ask them :)
I can joke about it now, but then, when I was the most vulnerable, trying my best and failing, every comment I took to heart. It made me second (or third) guess my whole idea of having a kid in the first place. It looked like no matter what I did someone would have a problem with it.
I had no idea what I was doing, but it seamed that I was doing it all wrong. But somehow he continued to grow, began to smile, slept all night, gained weight. He looked like a content little boy. His smile one morning made me think that I must have done something right. Trust me, babies are not shy, when something is not right you will know, your neighbors will know..
Next time you see a mother with her baby, say something like:
You are doing a great job!