I have always believed that jealousy is one of those things that can hide in friendship for a long time before you finally realize what is going on.
I met someone like that when I went to work in a rich woman's house. She was already working there before I came, so naturally, I looked up to her to teach me some of the things I didn't know.
At first, she was actually very nice to me. She showed me around, explained some of the things I needed to know, and helped me settle in. We would sit together and gist. I honestly thought I had met someone who would make working there easier for me.
But things started changing when she noticed that the madam was always praising me.
Our madam would sometimes call me out and appreciate the way I did my work. She would sit with me, gist with me and do some other things with me that she never did with this other woman. I didn't even notice at first that this was becoming a problem for her. I was just doing my work and being myself.
But she noticed, and from that point, her attitude towards me changed.
She started condemning almost everything I did. No matter what I did, there was always something wrong with it. If I did something one way, she would say I should have done it another way. If I did it the other way, she would still find something to complain about.
The funny thing was that none of this changed our madam's attitude towards me. She still appreciated me and treated me well.
When she realized that condemning my work wasn't working, she changed tactics.
I don't even know how she got my husband's number. He was my boyfriend at the time. Somehow, she started talking to him and telling him things about me.
According to her, the madam had big plans for me, but because I was lazy, she was no longer interested in doing anything for me. She was basically trying to make him believe that I was not the person he thought I was.
Thankfully, my husband knew me very well. He knew the kind of person I was, so instead of believing everything she told him, he called me and told me to be careful with her. That was when I knew that this thing had gone beyond ordinary misunderstanding.
I started wondering what exactly she wanted from me. Was she expecting my relationship to end because of the things she was telling my boyfriend? Was she hoping that he would believe her and start seeing me differently?
I honestly don't know but I decided I wasn't going to fight her.
Instead, I did something that might sound funny now. Whenever she was around, I would casually gist about how much my "baby" loved me, how much he trusted me, how supportive he was, and how well he understood me. 😂
I wasn't doing it because I wanted to hurt her. I just wanted her to know that whatever she was trying to do wasn't working and it didn't work.
My husband didn't suddenly start doubting me because someone told him stories. In fact, what she was trying to use against me only made me more careful around her.
I never fought her, I never insulted her, I never went to confront her or started telling people bad things about her. I simply continued with my work and minded my business.
After some time, when she saw that all her efforts were futile, I think she eventually got tired.
Looking back now, I realize that jealousy can make people behave in ways you never expected. Sometimes, it isn't because you have done anything to them. They simply feel threatened by the attention, opportunities, or appreciation you are receiving.
And honestly, this experience taught me something important, it not everybody who smiles with you is happy for you.
But I also learned that you don't always have to fight people who are jealous of you. Sometimes, the best response is to remain calm, do your work, keep your boundaries and refuse to give them the reaction they are looking for.
If you notice that someone constantly puts you down, tries to make others see you negatively, or seems uncomfortable whenever something good happens to you, pay attention. You don't necessarily have to label them as a bad person, because we all have our insecurities. But you should be careful about how much access you give them to your life.
And if the person is someone you genuinely care about, talking things out may help. Sometimes people don't even realize how their insecurity is affecting their behavior.
But if they keep trying to sabotage you after you have done your best to maintain peace, then distance is also an option.
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