Damn, why can't I get [something] like the others?
Is it because I chose to do [something else] in the past?
Maybe if I did [another thing], the situation would be different.
I'm so f****d up now. Such a loser!
--
Sometimes, there are times when I can't help but overthink or have some negative thoughts. Usually it happens when I'm facing certain conditions that are exhausting and uncomfortable for me. I did think about solutions, but I bumped into many obstacles instead. It made my thoughts drift all over the place.
It's difficult to control my thoughts at that time. And the next thing is, I was already in a loop of toxic thoughts: comparing, regretting this and that, what if this, what if that, and so on, and repeat.
I know overthinking makes me even more tired and prone to depression. I've tried to stop it, but it keeps striking back. It's unhealthy, unproductive, and makes things worse. Having an overthinking mind is exhausting. Honestly, I'm tired of going around in circles in my own bitter mind.
At that time, I knew I should stop it immediately. Then I remember to do these steps:
Take a deep breath, and exhale slowly. Focus on the air that enters my lungs, then release the heavy feeling as I exhale. Enjoy every breath I take. Repeat it until I feel more in control of myself. As time went on, my breathing became more regular. It's relieving.
It's a Muslim recitation for seeking forgiveness and mercy from Allah, as well as for getting strength from Him by saying "astaġfiru -llāh" in repeat. Usually, this word is also said when someone is controlling their emotions. It works for me too. After a while, my mind will gradually calm down.
Next, I have to believe in myself that my current situation is the best state for me. If in the past I had made a different choice, I wouldn't know about the result either: it could be better or could be worse. It's the same possibility.
What I need to do now is count all the things that I've received and be grateful. Everything that we get is a gift, no matter how small. And when we feel fulfilled and happy with it, it becomes a blessing. I realized then, maybe because I wasn't grateful enough, it made me unhappy.
"In daily life, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratitude that makes us happy."
Brother David Steindl-Rast
Until this stage, the fog in my mind began to dissolve little by little. I started to think clearly. I apologized to myself for having poisoned my own mind. I have to be at peace with myself, appreciate whatever I've done, and be positive.
So think about something good. It will happen. Sooner or later.
If I'm tired, that means I need to take a break. I need to stay away from those distracting and tiring thoughts for a while, by sleeping or chilling out, watching a movie or playing with my cat.
So it’s true what they said about cats can support our mental health. Wow.
After I calm down completely, I will return to doing what I should be doing one by one in my own time. There is no need to force myself; the important thing is to keep moving forward, be patient, and hope for the best.
--
Those are the stages I do when overthinking hits me. If you experience it, what do you do?
