In the post introducing this topic, I talked about my neighbors in the US growing up and in university. Before the week is over and we start a new topic I want to talk about my experience with neighbors in Japan.
My experience in Japan is a very different story from my hometown, mostly because I've lived primarily in the city. In Japan, the difference between the city and the country is night and day.
In the countryside, neighbors are expected to bring gifts when they move in for all their neighbors (not the other way around as is customary in the US). You are seen as the lowest on the totem pole when you move in and you need to earn your place in the community, although this isn't really spoken about.
That being said, people greet each other often in the country, or at least that's what I hear, since I haven't spent much time out there.
Apparently, even in Tokyo, there are neighborhood committees, and while in Tokyo most people ignore them, in the country you are expected to join, and they have meetings where nothing really happens except someone complains about something and people make small talk.
I notice many friends who still live in the suburbs are really worried about what other people think. I don't think that's exclusive to Japan. My hometown was suburban and people were way more conscious of what others thought of them than in the city in the US or in Tokyo.
In Tokyo, neighbors often don't even greet each other when walking up and down the stairs or in the elevator.
I ALWAYS make a point to greet my neighbors, even though that's about all I do.
The guy on one side of my apartment is friendly enough, we smile at each other, and the old man on the first floor is the one stranger who I talk to regularly since I often see him in the park. He sometimes gives me a coffee and lets me play with his cat, though I try to keep some distance because I think in Japan people develop expectations quite easily if they feel comfortable with you.
Upstairs lives Godzilla.
He stomps and shouts and throws his game controller and I swear he could be a sumo wrestler, though he is a 20 year old exchange student. Many people have written on the bulletin board that he is too loud but that doesn't stop him, I don't think he can read Japanese, and no one has bothered to use GPT and translate to Chinese.... And aside from us, there are 3 other people in the building who can speak Chinese but no one bothers....
We don't either.
I've thought about saying something to him but he honestly intimidates me...not in a physically threatening way (he looks immature and shy) but because he seems like an irrational person who might want to start passive aggressive problems.
Next to him is our friends! They're Japanese, in their late 40's and in the theater and design industry so we get along well. We had no idea who they were at first but at a bar we frequent, the owner said "My friends live above you!" and since then we've been on good terms and sometimes meet each other around town. We had dinner together once and it was nice, but they always want to drink and we don't so we get the feeling they are happy with a little distance.
As for the town, there may be 100 people I greet regularly in this 15 block radius, mostly shop owners and regulars from the shops, and a few friends and friends of friends.
This is not all that normal in Tokyo, but not that strange either, it depends on your lifestyle. The only people who do this tend to be families who know a lot of families in their area, and super social butterflies of which I am not exactly, but since my town has a lot of connections between the shops, we tend to have large social circles, even if we aren't that close with people and don't socialize as much as others.
I guess I've gotten good at making good use of the time I do spend socializing, I don't really do killing time, I do catching up and introducing people to people and joining events I like.
I teach a handful of people in my neighborhood, and I frequent a bunch of shops on the main road.
It's nice to always have people around to green. It makes me feel like the world is a friendly place and if I need something, there are always people around who could potentially help.
Because it's Japan, there is still a level of distance, so I wouldn't ask for something casually. It's not really that common to knock on someone's door, or if you do, you better be ready for someone to have lots of favors to ask in return, but at least if you have a question, the local shop owners and customers are happy to answer, and if you want to start some gathering (beach or camping or anything like that), you can leave a sign in a shop you are friendly with. It's not that common but I've seen it two or three times.
The weirdest thing for me in Tokyo is that when you rent, you are technically not allowed to complain directly to your neighbors, it's a breach in the contract. You are supposed to call the management company and they will express your complaints to the neighbors management company.
I find this....uncomfortable. I am not confrontational, but this makes feel like a nuisance for just greeting people... what the hell is that? Not allowed? And not only that, most people ignore complaints anyway so calling the management company doesn't usually lead to any result. Some people call the police if it gets really excessive, although we don't have anyone like that in our building. No one really complains directly.
Luckily our building has thicker walls than most places in Japan. I think that makes our relationship with the neighbors generally ok. Even Godzilla upstairs isn't THAT disruptive, but if it was a building with thin walls, we'd all be at each other's throats.
I give the building a 7 out of 10 (an 8 if no Godzilla), and a 9 out of 10 for the neighborhood, (a 10 if there were more daytime joints that felt as casual as the nighttime drinking establishments).
