One main reason I chose Asia over Europe when I decided I wanted to live abroad is that many of my friends growing up were considered minorities. I wanted to know what that felt like. I knew it wouldn't be the same because I'd always have a "home country" I could go back to, and even though my home country never felt like home to me, it wasn't exactly the same. I do think being seen as a minority can give some fresh perspective though.
When I was young, we had a large group of friends that was all into underground music…from goth to hip hop to hardcore to psychedelic. We were the weirdos...punks, hippies, freaks, and we were the most diverse social group at my school. Most of my closest friends were first or second generation Americans and a few were waiting for citizenship, almost half Eastern European, almost half Asian, and black and white friends whose families had been in America for many generations.
In the US, it isn't always clear who is America and who is not....my definition is: if you say you are American, you are American.
We all treated each other the same, but I realized that the ones who weren’t white had to deal with some silly stereotypes sometimes when dealing with people from outside our group.
There was a black girl in my class in high school who I got along really well with. We both liked punk rock and talked about it whenever we were allowed to chat. We had a similar sense of humor too so we’re become really close.
I was always surprised to hear some things people said to her. “You are black, why don’t like like rap?”.
This seemed like such a stupid question to me. Her too, obviously.
She has a great attitude about it though. I can’t remember what she said, but it must have been something like “They’re just used to people who look like them, they are just curious...it gets annoying though”.
I wonder if it was that experience is what subconsciously made me want to live in a place where I would be a minority, just so I could understand her better. I tried to remember her experiences when I came to Japan and people said ridiculous things to me.
“You are American, why aren’t you fat?” Or the coworker who insisted on taking me to McDonalds so I could eat “my hometowns food” even though I insisted many times that I don’t really like hamburgers."
"Americans are OPEN" which usually just means we don't value monogamy....something really funny to hear in a country with so many brothels.
I hear other foreigners complaining about all this, and sometimes comparing it to racism in America against blacks. There are similarities and there are differences though.
I think it’s easy to get angry when people treat you differently, but I try not to confuse this with hatred, dislike or intentional disrespect towards another race. Just like I think what my friend experienced was probably not nearly as bad as the overt racism that her her parents may have experienced.
I don’t think most people are RACIST in America or in Japan. “But everyone is racist to some degree. We naturally prefer people who look like us” I don’t really agree.
I know some people in America don’t like to hear “I don’t see color” because they think it undermines the struggles that minorities have faced....but I really don’t think about skin color except to the degree that it’s had an impact on people’s lives and how they are treated. I do my best not to contribute to that.
For me, my people are not white. They are not Asian or black or Hispanic or middle eastern. They are people who want to work together and honor each individual without ignoring the collective. That’s it.
They can share their stories and perspectives and tell me how they are treated differently because of their race or nationality, and I can try to understand. But their race does not define them in my mind. I care more about the way they look at the world and the way they treat others. I care much more about their hopes and dreams and how they want to reach them.
I can’t imagine what it’s like to be treated differently in the country you were born in. I don’t know what hatred based upon some arbitrary difference in appearance feels like. But I know what it’s like to be treated as an alien.
I had a totally different story in mind when I started this but the preface turned into a big topic of its own.
The original story, condensed:
My partner and I have been looking for a new apartment these past few days, and 5 out of the 6 places we were interested in rejected us because we are foreign.
Most people would call this xenophobic, if not racist. I don’t really care if it is though, for me the takeaway is something very different.
I wish people showed more compassion for each other, everywhere and at all times. If we all practiced compassion towards everyone, things like racism and sexism would disappear quickly, long-standing rivalries between tribes and nations, and even age-gap related disagreements could be minimized, if not entirely solved.
I’m not going to feel sorry for myself for having this experience or feel guilt that people in my home country have had it worse. I do my best not to contribute to that. That’s why I just want to ask for compassion. I don’t care about who we are talking about, compassion will always bring us closer to an answer to these problems.
If I calm down, I understand that the landlords probably heard of problems with foreign tenants before, and ACTUALLY our habits are probably a little different from what they are used to. I wish they would accept that from local Japanese as well. Not everyone with a tattoo is a criminal, despite what older Japanese people think. Not every freelancer can’t afford rent. Japan is a rigid country with rigid ideas about what is acceptable. Young people are much more openminded, but as the relator said honestly as he was trying to get rid of us because he know he wouldn't be able to find us a tenant "The landlords are all skeletons, 70+, it'll be easier in 10-20 years"
I am only sharing this in an attempt to calm my frustration and extract some meaning from this experience. You may have heard me say it before but I want nothing more than to create my own culture, together with people from around the world, from different backgrounds and perspectives. To do so effectively requires so contemplation on what we could do better. I do so openly to invite discussion, though I’ve only scratched the surface with my experience and my friend's experience. There are so many other experiences to hear and I think the best conclusions will come from us speaking honestly and listening while doing our best to reserve judgement.
My take away is that we need bigger hearts. All of us. I believe compassion should be the starting point and we will be able to watch many of our problems disappear as a result.
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