Bud: I've come up with a brilliant way to save you money.
Me: Should I be afraid?
Bud: It's a sure-fire winner. All you have to do is buy 2/3 fewer puppy cookies than you do now. Thousands in savings.
Me: This is interesting math. Why would you want fewer treats?
Bud: Oh. Not me. I still keep my portion. You just stop giving Senior and the idiot brother theirs.
Me: You mean Elliot and Rocky.
Bud: Whatever. One's asleep at the switch and the other doesn't even know what the switch is for. No harm; no foul.
Me: You would do that to your own family?
Bud: You could say I'm doing this for their own good. Extra calories for less active canines is a deadly business. In fact, I would say this is quite altruistic on my part. Yes, here I am watching out for my kith and kin AND saving you money all at the same time. You should be thanking me.
Me: You are quite the prince, aren't you?
Bud: Being royalty is hungry work. Why don't you use some of your savings and buy me a pizza?
