I once had a friend who was so much focused on what people would say about her, the applause of people, the influence, and all that. Everything she did was just for public validations and not because she was convinced of doing them. From her WhatsApp statuses, to her social media posts, all of them would scream "I am looking for public validations." This affected her self-worth because she tied it to what she got from others. Should would feast on compliments, then feel bad when people did not notice her. Even criticism would feel like a poison pill. What she failed to understand was that her worth should not be tied to validation. A lot of things exist beyond validation.
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You have to understand that your self-worth does not increase because people praised, applauded, or compliments you, neither does it reduce because people criticized or became silent towards you. You should know who you are even before the claps and the applause, or even if no one is watching you or giving you approval. You may not even know it, but the truth is that external validation is temporary and can be affected by moods, situations, trends, and people's opinions. But it is your internal worth that is constant. People cannot be complimenting you all the time, but it does not mean that you are not doing well. You have to learn to see yourself for who you are, and not for what others make you to feel.
A lot of people, because of the need for public validation, have done unimaginable things just to gain impression. But when the validation is not forthcoming, they feel bad about it. You will be surprised how many people struggle with self-esteem simply because of what they feel from social media. They measure their worth based on followers, likes, titles, or comparisons. When they get these, they feel accomplished, but when they lack it, they feel like their world is moving in reverse. No wonder the kind of desperation seen among people these days, especially the youths as a result of the need for social media validation. What they fail to understand is that their life is worth more than a few social media likes or retweets. Do not become a prisoner to public opinions, and adjusting yourself constantly to fit into the social media space only because of public validations.
It is worthy to note that choosing self-worth over public validation requires courage. The courage to know that not everyone will accept you, understand you, or even support you, but you are still okay with that. The courage to stop explaining yourself and your moves, and to know when to move on. You do not have to shrink or bend yourself in order to make others to feel comfortable. You have to learn to stand firm in your values, identity, and decisions, and stop chasing validations that can crack you up. The world does not need to give you an approval before you know that you are doing well. As a matter of fact, that the world does not acknowledge you does not mean that you are not doing well.
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Looking beyond validation does not mean that you should ignore feedbacks, nor does it mean that you should be arrogant and rude, rather it means that you have discerned between unnecessary noise and constructive guidance. If you want to grow, then you have to welcome valuable feedback, but not chasing after validation which can make you dependent. You need to know who you really are, and know your worth. When you know this, you will positively welcome corrections without feeling attacked or destroyed by it. On the same hand, you will also welcome applause without being dependent or addicted to it.
To look beyond validation is also having a shift in your mindset from what people think of you to what you think of yourself. Instead of asking this question; "do they like me?, you would rather ask yourself questions like these; "am I really living the best life I should, am I actually fulfilling my purpose?" These are the questions that put the control of your life back into your hands and not in the hands of others. When you have built yourself beyond validation, you will not be moved by what is happening or not happening.
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