Sometimes crap is all I have with my emotional state. I try to focus on the positive and while I KNOW there is so much good in my life, I just can't see it. It's like being blind or something. I used to think of it as a handicap. These days I try to focus on the fact that the negative seems to bring about so much more power in a person. We feel vicerally, rage and depression. It is almost a primal feeling that knocks us out of our senses. That is shitty, for sure. It can also be positive.
I have used this sigil for a while to connect with a more primitive feeling magick in me. It isn't not going to be the sigil for everyone. Use what works for you.
I have a sigil video that I did a while ago. I should probably get on posting that. I just haven't found a movie editor that I like that can splice videos together yet. (Ideas, anyone?)
When I can't imagine good in my life, I can imagine the positives that other people need. I can see their flaws and the holes that they try to hide. I have taken the approach that this means that I have power and they need help. I think of the negative like carbon dioxide that we breathe. It is poison to a human but it is food for the trees. I know that energy is transformed and if I simply focus on my own light, my own healing and give it to another, giving it away to all of those in need, then I find that it is a powerful source. The universe has a way of transforming. I personally don't think that is our job. People are filters, we are to spread things around. We do this all the time. Usually, like viruses. It doesn't have to be bad though. Focus your energy, without thinking about how the energy is. Just focus your mind on something mundane that means good or power for you. Then focus on that filtering your energy to someone in need. Fill the image with love and push it out. Let the energy pour out into the world. Directing it only to healing, powerful love and good stuff. It can do the rest. ;)
I like to use the Enki sigil. It has been a good image for me to focus on and it brings me back to my roots. Plus, it gives me a connection with the divine masculine that I am sometimes lacking. That being said, this is a process. It is all about finding a balance. No one can be miserable all of the time and the moral of the story is even when you can't feel it... there is plenty of good in the world.
I have been plagued with thoughts of depression and suicide as of late. I know they aren't real. I know that it isn't a choice for me. I respect other people and their right to choose, but I can't justify it. It always seems to me that killing yourself is like starting over. It's like where you have to go back to the beginning and learn something again. That is my religious view. On a more mundane view, I have seen many people be torn up over people dying. I have yet to see a person rejoice in their own death. I am a firm believer that when you kill yourself, you give your pain to others. I couldn't do that. So I keep trying to remember the good and having faith that the day will come when I feel it completely again.
I know in the moment of this meme, when it was my love and I, the world stopped for a moment. I just so happened to get a picture of this kiss. I was lucky enough to get a picture of this perfection. I hold on to this as well. Annnnnd also make us into dorky memes :)
You guys have had the pleasure of watching me be all sad. It is lame, I know - emo all of the time. I promised myself I wouldn't hold back and I would have an authentic process on here though. I can't help it that the cookies crumbled just as I was starting Steem. I can help that it is all darkness and depression though. Don't get me wrong, there is a place for it and I will probably share some of that later. But it is hard to write about magick and manifestation when I know that my brain is spending more time trying to create trauma because that is what I know at the moment.
In fact, I drew this piece just after my mother died. I haven't posted it because for me it was all chaos and a difficult concept to simply post without feeling like it was totally emo. So I took the original and turned it into a much more active piece. It makes it harder to focus on the deeper meaning of what was originally drawn and I think, in a way, it actually depicts the kind of crazy that I have been feeling a little bit better.
So, to get out of it, I have been playing with different art forms and trying to find anything to keep my brain occupied. I have been good so far about being productive, which is a difficulty in itself right now. My faith keeps me strong as well. That is one of the reasons that I can keep going. I think about the good I can do even with the emotional state.
When you are feeling down, what is your anti-crazy? How do you do good when you feel like shit? Ideas from others around is always helpful and by sharing, who knows who you will inspire???
