I am a father of two young daughters and I have thought about this question that "Punishments or reward, which one works best for children?" There was nothing much to think about it because I have been raising my children and I'm very sure that I don't want to raise them through punishment. I would rather teach them through consequences.

I think punishment is something parents misuse against their children. What is the point of making a child feel bad for a mistake if we can't teach them what is right and wrong? A child is meant to make mistakes because they came into this world for the first time and they are learning slowly. We can't expect them to be knowledgeable from the very beginning. They will never learn if we don't teach them properly.

Also, I believe instead of punishment, consequences can make them realize their mistakes more. I think it will help a child see that every choice has a result. That lesson is much more useful because it stays with them even after they grow up. For an example, when I was a kid, my mother used to punish me and it was physical punishment. Maybe I had done something major, that's why I got punished and it stayed with me forever even when I grew up.

I used to fear my mother and always thought that she would punish me. That stopped me from doing anything, I had to take permission for every small decisions. I had no freedom at all and it felt like I'm being controlled. That time I had decided that if I ever have children, I would never let them fear me or punish them. I can understand why my mother was like that because it was her first time becoming a parent as I was the eldest son. But I can not forget the pain I went through during that time.

When I was being punished, I always prayed to God to bring someone to save me. But no one actually came and I wished for the time to pass sooner. In present time I'm in my 50s, I love my mother but I still have that pain in my heart, about how she treated me. I don't think if someone loves us dearly then they can ever hurt us. As can not think or image about hurting my daughters physically or emotionally.

So, how do I manage my children? For an example if one of my daughters leaves her dolls all over the floor even after I told her to put them away then I won't show anger or punish her. I will put the toys away for the rest of the day. I will try to make her understand that if she doesn't take care of her toys she won't get them. In this way she will understand why she can't play with them and what was her mistake. I don't need to make her feel scared to get the message across.

I will do something similar thing with rewards. I don't think children should get a reward every time they do something good. If we do that then they may expect a reward for every kind act and start asking, "What do I get if I do this?" That is something I don't want to teach my daughters. Instead, I make sure they know that I appreciate their good deeds. I hope that when my daughters grow older, they will make good choices because they understand good values not because they fear punishment. I hope they have enough courage to take accountability for their own actions and learn from mistakes then I will feel I have done my job as a father.

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