Using the word "lost" might be a bit too much, but it does feel like my ability to think clearly and have a coherent inner dialogue, in which I debate an idea or try to follow a thought process, has diminished a bit since I stopped writing altogether.
It might be simply because that's basically what writing is: the ability to take an idea, think about it, develop it, and then describe it and your thought process through words in a way that will make sense to other people.
My ability to think clearly didn't completely disappear just because I stopped writing, but I did find myself unable to focus on one thing at a time without getting distracted, unable to develop one single topic without instinctively thinking about something else, and even unable to form a plan for the next day or put certain tasks in an efficient order.
One reason why it reached this point without me realizing it or wanting to do much about it is because my job, which occupies 90% of my time for 7 months a year, is quite physical and relies more on muscle memory than anything else.
To clarify, I work in a small restaurant in Germany. I work in the kitchen, and although that can normally be quite a creative job, the place where I currently work has a very stable menu that doesn't change much. So, I'm in the kitchen for 9 to 10 hours a day, sometimes more, doing the same tasks repeatedly with little to no variety. The rest of my time is spent either with my girlfriend or sleeping.
As you can imagine, since everything at this point is muscle memory, and since I have worked here for 4 years, thinking too much about what I'm doing isn't necessary anymore. And since I barely have any free time, any creative work has been put aside.
That's how I reached a point where I just wake up, go to the job that requires little thinking, come back home for my break, spend around 20 minutes with my girlfriend or on the phone, take a nap to prepare for the second half of the job, work for 4 more hours, then come home at 10 PM, shower, eat, spend one or two hours relaxing, and then sleep again to be ready for work the next day.
This schedule is horrible if you have any hobbies or interests outside of the job because it leaves very little time for them. And so, I fell into a routine that leaves no time for anything else. It's great because things are easy and time goes by quickly. But seeing my mental abilities deteriorate over time simply because I don't use my brain to do things that I was very good at in the past is frustrating.
Maybe that's what made me want to write again – getting back to my former self, regaining some mental clarity, and also recovering some abilities that I have lost due to inactivity over the past few years.
I guess this shows a bit how important it is to keep yourself engaged with activities that require you to think. The more you neglect your brain, the less you'll be able to do over time. The more you force it to be creative and think of solutions to problems, the more you train it to do that all the time.
