[ESP-ING] Disability did not stop her from raising me || La incapac...

Empezare diciendo que todo lo que escribo a continuación es una especie de homenaje a ella. Hay una edad en la que te empiezan a suceder cosas y más nunca las olvidas, luego cuando creces todas tus historias empiezan diciendo ‘’Cuando tenía 4,5 o 6 años’’… Pues la mía, es 7 años. Si, tenía 7 años quizás 6 cuando empiezo a contar que una persona ciega y paralitica me crió. Quizás suene raro o algún invento, pues alguien imposibilitada físicamente no puede hacer nada por ella misma, menos por alguien más. Sin embargo, es mi historia y recuerdo cada detalle como si hubiese sido ayer.

_{I will begin by saying that everything I write below is a kind of homage to her. There is an age when things start to happen to you and you never forget them, then when you grow up all your stories start saying ''When I was 4, 5 or 6 years old''... Well, mine is 7 years old. Yes, I was 7 years old maybe 6 when I start telling that a blind and paralytic person raised me. Maybe it sounds strange or something made up, because someone who is physically disabled can't do anything for herself, let alone for someone else. However, it is my story and I remember every detail as if it were yesterday.}

Cuando mi madre dejó a mi padre, nos mudamos a casa de mi abuela, típica hija que vuelve a casa después de un matrimonio fallido con hijos a cuestas. Mi mamá tuvo que salir a trabajar para mantenernos y quedaríamos a cuidado de mi abuela. Pero mi abuela no vivía sola, con ella estaba la hermana mayor de mi mamá; su nombre era Yeli. Era una mujer admirable, cariñosa, sabia y esas tías que aman a sus sobrinos como si fueran de ella, la consideramos nuestra segunda madre. A pesar de tener miles de cualidades, tenía un temperamento fuerte, era terca y bastante exigente con los deberes que a cada una nos tocaba. Había miles de cosas que la hacían especial.

_{When my mother left my father, we moved in with my grandmother, a typical daughter returning home after a failed marriage with children in tow. My mom had to go out to work to support us and we were left in my grandmother's care. But my grandmother did not live alone, with her was my mom's older sister; her name was Yeli. She was an admirable, loving, wise woman and those aunts who love their nieces and nephews as if they were their own, we considered her our second mother. In spite of having thousands of qualities, she had a strong temperament, she was stubborn and quite demanding with the duties that each one of us had to do. There were thousands of things that made her special.}

Mi tía, hermana de mi madre, había llevado una vida muy dura. En el año 1983, a la edad de 13 años se fue a dormir después de jugar en la calle con sus amigos, al despertar, notó que su vista era casi inexistente. Al pasar los 3 días, no tenía visión alguna, todo era negro. El diagnóstico fue devastador; esclerosis múltiple, nunca más volvería a ver. Se tuvo que ir acostumbrando a su vida de esa manera; no volvería a ver lo que más le gustaba, no le volvería a ver el rostro a su madre y nunca más volvería a ver su reflejo. Esta enfermedad no tiene cura pero el tratamiento no revertiría el daño. Siendo tan joven se acostumbró rápido. Poco tiempo después, el mismo día, se dio cuenta que no se podía mantener de pie, cada vez a sus piernas le costaba soportar el peso de su cuerpo. Paulatinamente se debilito a tal manera que caminaba con ayuda de un bastón o sosteniendo la pared. Fue solo cuestión de un mes para que perdiera por completo la fuerza en sus piernas. Fue un hecho trágico para la familia. Pero, a pesar de que esta enfermedad estaba tomando terreno en su cuerpo, nunca pudo hacerle nada a su mente y a su espíritu.

_{My aunt, my mother's sister, had led a very hard life. In 1983, at the age of 13, she went to sleep after playing in the street with her friends, and when she woke up, she noticed that her eyesight was almost non-existent. After 3 days, he had no vision at all, everything was black. The diagnosis was devastating; multiple sclerosis, he would never see again. She had to get used to her life that way; she would never again see what she loved the most, she would never again see her mother's face and she would never again see her reflection. This disease has no cure but the treatment would not reverse the damage. Being so young he quickly got used to it. Shortly thereafter, on the same day, he realized that he could no longer stand, his legs were increasingly unable to support the weight of his body. Gradually he became so weak that he walked with the help of a cane or by holding the wall. It was only a matter of a month before she completely lost the strength in her legs. It was a tragic event for the family. But, even though this disease was taking a toll on his body, it could never do anything to his mind and spirit.}

Desde el momento que supo que ni habría manera de revertir todo lo que le estaba pasando, y con la idea, de que quizás seguiría perdiendo facultades, pudo aceptar vivir así, su fortaleza hizo que todo no se viera opacado por el dolor de su enfermedad. Por otro lado, su madre nunca le demostró debilidad, se mostró firme y optimista dispuesta a dejar todo por ayudarla. Así fueron transcurriendo los años, ya se había rehusado a ser discapacitada y aceptaba la ayuda de cualquiera que estuviera dispuesta a ayudarla. Eso no le hizo perder su esencia. Por ahí dicen que cuando perdemos algún sentido, el cuerpo hace que los demás se vuelvan más fuertes para compensar el que no está funcionando, con ella, yo comprobé que eso es totalmente cierto.

_{From the moment she knew that there would be no way to reverse everything that was happening to her, and with the idea that she might continue to lose her faculties, she was able to accept living like this, her strength meant that everything was not overshadowed by the pain of her illness. On the other hand, her mother never showed her weakness, she was firm and optimistic, ready to leave everything to help her. As the years went by, she had already refused to be disabled and accepted help from anyone who was willing to help her. This did not make her lose her essence. They say that when we lose some sense, the body makes the others become stronger to compensate for the one that is not working, with her, I found this to be totally true.}

Luego de la separación de mi madre y el cambio de ciudad por el que pasamos, volvimos a la casa de crianza de mi madre. Llegué y ella estaba todo el tiempo sentada en la silla de ruedas en el pasillo de la casa, lo único que la acompañaba era un radio antiguo, ella decía que era para rellenar ese silencio que no le gustaba porque sentía algo pesado. Vivian de un pequeño negocio de la venta de cilindros de gas doméstico. Ella era la encargada de recibir el dinero y de dar el cambio, llevaba todo consigo en un pequeño monedero negro. Tenía una dieta estricta, no comía grasa y todos los alimentos eran cocinados al vapor o hervidos. Su cena favorita era berenjena asada con queso encima, no consumía alimentos procesados ni embutidos. Esta dieta era consecuencia del consumo de esteroides como tratamiento de su enfermedad, debía cuidar de por vida su alimentación. Nunca estaba sola, muchas personas la concurrían de manera constante, señoras y señores mayores llegaban para hablar de las cosas de la vida mientras tomaban café, estando tan pequeña no salía de mi asombro de la cantidad de gente que conocía. Debía visitar el hospital 2 veces al mes de por vida, la buena noticia es que la enfermedad no avanzo más, sólo se llevó consigo su visión y su movilidad en las piernas.

_{After the separation from my mother and the change of city we went through, we returned to my mother's foster home. I arrived and she was all the time sitting in the wheelchair in the hallway of the house, the only thing that accompanied her was an old radio, she said it was to fill that silence that she did not like because she felt something heavy. They lived from a small business selling domestic gas cylinders. She was in charge of receiving the money and giving change, she carried everything with her in a small black purse. She had a strict diet, she ate no fat and all food was steamed or boiled. His favorite dinner was roasted eggplant with cheese on top, he did not eat processed foods or sausages. This diet was a consequence of the consumption of steroids as a treatment for his disease, he had to take care of his diet for the rest of his life. She was never alone, many people came to her constantly, old ladies and gentlemen came to talk about the things of life while having coffee, being so small I could not get over my astonishment at the number of people she met. She had to visit the hospital twice a month for the rest of her life, the good news is that the disease did not advance any further, it only took with it her vision and her mobility in her legs.}

Con nuestra llegada la vida de todos cambió. Mi mamá de inmediato consiguió empleo de 8am a 5pm, se vio obligada porque la ayuda de mi padre se desvanecía hasta que desapareció. Entraba a clases todos los días a la 1pm pero mi hermana pequeña entraba a las 7am, yo era la encargada de buscarla a las 11am, llevarla a casa, almorzar, vestirme e irme corriendo a la escuela. Era bastante responsabilidad pero no había más nadie que lo hiciera.

_{With our arrival everyone's life changed. My mom immediately got a job from 8am to 5pm, she was forced because my father's help faded away until it disappeared. I would go into class every day at 1pm but my little sister would come in at 7am, I was in charge of picking her up at 11am, taking her home, eating lunch, getting dressed and rushing off to school. It was quite a responsibility but there was no one else to do it.}

Ella era mi despertador; siempre sabía la hora y la fecha exacta, me recordaba lo que tenía que hacer y cuantos minutos tenía para hacerlo. Me despertaba siempre a las 7am para repasar la clase del día. Ella era mi maestra; me enseño las tablas de multiplicar, con una pequeña tabla donde estaban del 1 al 9, me hacía leerlas y luego yo se la entregaba, la escondía muy bien que yo ni me daba cuenta, se las decía, me corregía pacientemente. Con ella aprendí a hacer operaciones matemáticas, tenía una habilidad para sumar y restar tan rápido que me corregía en segundos algo que me tomo media hora en hacer. Era como una madre; “Metiste los cuadernos de matemática y castellano, recuerda que es jueves, hoy te tocan’’ ‘’ ¿Pasaste el cuento que inventamos a una hoja limpia? Tráelo, quiero sentir la hoja, recuerda que te quitan puntos por pulcritud’’ ‘’Hoy te toca deporte ¿Buscaste tu uniforme?’’ ‘’¿Sacaste el termo de agua del bolso? Ahora tu agua estará caliente”.

_{She was my alarm clock; she always knew the exact time and date, reminded me what I had to do and how many minutes I had to do it. She always woke me up at 7am to review the day's class. She was my teacher; she taught me the multiplication tables, with a small table where they were from 1 to 9, she made me read them and then I gave it to her, she hid it so well that I didn't even notice it, I told her, she patiently corrected me. With her I learned to do mathematical operations, she had an ability to add and subtract so fast that she corrected me in seconds something that took me half an hour to do. She was like a mother; "You put in your math and Spanish notebooks, remember it's Thursday, today is your turn" '' '' Did you put the story we made up on a clean sheet of paper? Bring it, I want to feel the paper, remember that you get points for neatness'' ''Today it's your turn for sports, did you look for your uniform?'' ''Did you take the thermos of water out of your bag? Now your water will be hot.}

A veces me sorprendía porque nunca se le olvidaba nada, su sentido del olfato era perfecto; sabía mi ubicación exacta cuando comía dulces escondida para no compartir con mi hermana. Decía que podía sentir la presencia de las personas, dentro de la casa siempre sabía dónde estaba cada uno y que lo hacíamos por el sonido. Tenía conocimiento de cada una de las fechas patrias; desde el día del árbol hasta el natalicio de algún personaje célebre. Su sentido del tacto era impresionante, así aprendió a conocer los billetes y las monedas; cuando tocaba uno, sabía cuál era su denominación y en segundos estaba entregando el cambio al comprador. Los objetos que pedía que buscara, ella los tocaba y así comprobaba que era el correcto. Percibía el estado de animo de las personas por su voz; nunca lo decía, sin decir nada, empezaba a dar charlas motivacionales, que, viniendo de ella, le levantaban el ánimo a cualquiera. Su ceguéz y su inmovilidad no la dejaron incompleta, al contrario, estaba más completa que cualquiera.

_{Sometimes I was surprised because she never forgot anything, her sense of smell was perfect; she knew my exact location when I ate sweets hidden so as not to share with my sister. He said he could sense people's presence, inside the house he always knew where everyone was and that we did it by sound. She had knowledge of every national date; from the day of the tree to the birthday of a famous person. His sense of touch was impressive, so he learned to know the bills and coins; when he touched one, he knew what its denomination was and in seconds he was handing the change to the buyer. The objects she was asked to look for, she would touch them and thus verify that it was the right one. She could sense people's moods by her voice; she never said it, without saying anything, she would start giving motivational talks, which, coming from her, would lift anyone's spirits. Her blindness and immobility did not leave her incomplete, on the contrary, she was more complete than anyone else.}

Ella lo fue todo en nuestra vida. De hecho, nunca sentimos la ausencia de nuestra madre. A mi hermana y a mí nos encantaba ayudarla a sus actividades de la vida diaria; llevarla al baño, sacarla a pasear, llevarle las medicinas y la comida, el jugo de la mañana y el café de la tarde. Para nosotras siempre fue un placer y lo veíamos como tal. Los momentos que pasaba con ella, que era gran parte del día, eran únicos. Aquella tarde de 2007 mi mama nos dice que nos mudaremos a nuestro propio hogar, fue un cambio duro, no quería dejarla ni a ella ni a mi abuela. No me podía quedar por más que insistí, ahora era yo que tenía que estar al pendiente de nuestra casa. Ella como siempre, nunca demostró debilidad, era fuerte como un roble, aunque si se le escapaba cuando al final de las frases se quebraba un poco su voz, yo lo notaba.

_{She was everything in our life. In fact, we never felt our mother's absence. My sister and I loved to help her with her activities of daily living; taking her to the bathroom, taking her for walks, bringing her medicine and food, morning juice and afternoon coffee. For us it was always a pleasure and we saw it as such. The moments I spent with her, which was a big part of the day, were unique. That afternoon in 2007 my mother told us that we were moving to our own home, it was a hard change, I didn't want to leave her or my grandmother. I could not stay no matter how much I insisted, now it was me who had to take care of our house. She, as always, never showed weakness, she was as strong as an oak tree, although it did escape her when at the end of her sentences her voice cracked a little, I could tell.}

Nuestra relación sufrió muchos cambios, me hacía falta. Entre la escuela, cuidar a mi hermana y los quehaceres aun sacaba tiempo de ir a verla en las tardes para platicar, eso era lo que más hacíamos, platicábamos de todo, nunca sentí la necesidad de guardarme nada por bueno o malo que fuera. Ella era mi mayor fan; siempre me alentaba en todo lo que quisiera hacer; en los carnavales me alentó a que participara en un reinado, me dijo que lo ganaría y así fue. Odiaba las fotos, pero yo no resistí la emoción y me senté en sus piernas y nos tomamos la mejor foto que jamás he podido tomar. Ella sonrió como nunca la había visto. Es una de las pocas fotos que tenemos juntas.

_{Our relationship underwent many changes, I missed her. Between school, taking care of my sister and chores, I still found time to go see her in the afternoons to talk, that was what we did the most, we talked about everything, I never felt the need to keep anything to myself, no matter how good or bad it was. She was my biggest fan; she always encouraged me in everything I wanted to do; at the carnivals she encouraged me to participate in a pageant, she told me I would win it and I did. She hated pictures, but I couldn't resist the excitement and I sat on her lap and we took the best picture I've ever been able to take. She smiled like I had never seen her smile before. It's one of the few pictures we have together.}

Aunque no vivíamos en la misma casa, no dejaba que eso fuera un impedimento para pasar tiempo juntas. Si pasaba 2 días sin verla, ya sentía algo acumulado en el pecho que no me dejaba seguir. Así transcurrieron esos 3 años. Para el año 2010, yo era una señorita que había cambiado de ambiente y de prioridades, pensaba que estar en la calle con mis amigas era lo más cool a mi edad. La visitaba muy poco, pero cuando lo hacía, era como una terapia para mí. Me dejaba maquillarla como había aprendido a hacerlo, me dejaba ponerle mascarillas y hablábamos de chicos lindos de mi escuela. Hasta que empecé a conocer amigas de mi edad con las que podía salir y estar en ambientes diferentes

_{Although we didn't live in the same house, I didn't let that be an impediment to spending time together. If I went 2 days without seeing her, I already felt something accumulated in my chest that would not let me go on. That's how those 3 years went by. By 2010, I was a young lady who had changed my environment and priorities, I thought that being on the street with my friends was the coolest thing to do at my age. I visited her very rarely, but when I did, it was like therapy for me. She would let me put make-up on her like I had learned to do, she would let me put face masks on her, and we would talk about cute boys from my school. Until I started meeting friends my own age that I could go out with and be in different environments.}

Ya para agosto de 2010 la visitaba de manera forzada. Recuerdo haber ido porque se enfermó, tenía fiebre y no quería comer nada, ayude a bañarla y le pregunté que como se sentía, me dijo que estaba bien pero con una voz casi inexistente que costaba escuchar, como si le costara un dolor inmenso producir un sonido. Se negaba rotundamente a ir al hospital, ya no hablaba. Esa noche yo me fui porque unos amigos pasaron por mí. Pensé que no era nada grave, que al otro día vendría y ya estaría recuperada contando miles de historias como solía hacerlo. Ella era fuerte y no era de estar enfermándose así, me fui tranquila a estar por ahí con mis amigos. Nunca pensé que sucedería, estuve en negación por mucho tiempo, no quería aceptar y la culpa por no haber estado más atenta me carcomía el alma.

_{By August 2010 I was visiting her in a forced way. I remember going because she was sick, she had a fever and did not want to eat anything, I helped bathe her and asked her how she was feeling, she told me she was fine but with an almost non-existent voice that was hard to hear, as if it cost her immense pain to produce a sound. She flatly refused to go to the hospital, she no longer spoke. That night I left because some friends came to pick me up. I thought it was nothing serious, that the next day she would come and she would be recovered, telling thousands of stories as she used to do. She was strong and was not used to getting sick like that, so I left calmly to hang out with my friends. I never thought it would happen, I was in denial for a long time, I did not want to accept it and the guilt for not having been more attentive ate at my soul.}

Fecha inolvidable; el 23 de agosto de 2010 fueron personalmente a avisarnos que mi tía había fallecido. Yo estaba dormida cuando escuche los gritos desgarradores de mi madre que sentía que en cada uno de ellos se le salía el alma, se le iba la vida, inmediatamente pregunte que pasó y yo solo me quedé parada de manera estática, sin producir un sonido, gesto o movimiento. Ahí sentí que todo había acabado para mí, aun en un trance por la noticia, me vestí y decidí ir a verla. La noche anterior cuando ya no podía ni hablar, se determinó que aguanto uno de los dolores más fuertes que el umbral del ser humano puede aguantar; tuvo una peritonitis aguda, que se pudo haber evitado si se lleva a tiempo al hospital pero todos los supimos; quiso morir, aguanto para evitar mortificarnos para irse tranquila, vio la oportunidad de dejarnos y lo hizo, no quiso luchar, sufrió en silencio hasta que su cuerpo no pudo más, ella quiso irse y eso nunca saldrá de mi mente, ¿De verdad ya estaba cansada de vivir así? ¿Era infeliz aunque demostrara lo contrario? Hasta el sol de hoy, aun no sabremos por qué no quiso luchar y porque oculto un dolor de tal magnitud, eso sigue retumbando en la cabeza de quienes la amábamos.

_{Unforgettable date; on August 23, 2010 they personally came to tell us that my aunt had passed away. I was asleep when I heard the heartbreaking screams of my mother who felt that in each one of them her soul was leaving her, her life was leaving her, I immediately asked what happened and I just stood there in a static way, without producing a sound, gesture or movement. There I felt that everything was over for me, still in a trance because of the news, I got dressed and decided to go to see her. The night before when she could not even speak, it was determined that she endured one of the strongest pains that the threshold of the human being can endure; she had an acute peritonitis, which could have been avoided if taken to the hospital in time but we all knew; she wanted to die, she endured to avoid mortifying us to go quietly, she saw the opportunity to leave us and did it, she did not want to fight, she suffered in silence until her body could no longer, she wanted to leave and that will never leave my mind, was she really tired of living like that? Was she unhappy even though she proved otherwise? To this day, we still don't know why she didn't want to fight and why she hid a pain of such magnitude, that still echoes in the heads of those of us who loved her.}

Para el momento que me tocó verla aún seguía en la morgue desde las 5am que murió. Conocíamos a alguien allí; tuve la oportunidad de maquillarla como solía dejarme hacerlo. Aquel cuerpo frío en esa superficie de metal estaba irreconocible, la acaricié pero no fui capaz de hacerlo como solía gustarle, era imposible para mi hacerlo sin caer en el llanto, fue ahí que acepte la noticia de que ella no abriría sus ojos, de que no la escucharía más, de que no la tendría más conmigo, que no estaría para compartir mis logros, que no conocería a mi esposo ni a mis hijos. Que ya todo sobre ella eran recuerdos que reproducía en mi mente, que solo allí estaría viva. Verla dentro del ataúd fue aún más desgarrador. No sé qué palabras colocar aquí para describir lo que sufrimos, hubo un momento de la noche que no me despegue de allí, sentía que ella podría levantarse y que todo era una simple pesadilla. Recordé ese momento una de nuestras conversaciones sobre la muerte, a pesar de ser muy joven, ella me hablaba de todo sin tapujos, creía que eso me haría menos inmadura. Su postura acerca del tema me lo dejo saber con un comentario que quedó plasmado en mi memoria: ‘’No sé por qué la gente le gusta ver el muerto metido en el ataúd, ahí todo inerte. Es más, cuando me muera no me vean, para algo eso tiene una tapa’’. Cumplimos su voluntad, y no por respeto, sino porque su cuerpo se descompuso tan rápido que no hubo químicos que se le aplicaran que pudiera desacelerar ese proceso. De sus ojos salía mucho, oídos y boca se drenaba un líquido amarillento con mucho olor.

_{By the time it was my turn to see her she was still in the morgue from the 5am she died. We knew someone there; I had the opportunity to make her up as she used to let me do. That cold body on that metal surface was unrecognizable, I caressed her but I was not able to do it as she used to like, it was impossible for me to do it without falling into tears, it was there that I accepted the news that she would not open her eyes, that I would not listen to her anymore, that I would not have her with me anymore, that she would not be there to share my achievements, that she would not know my husband or my children.That everything about her was already memories that I replayed in my mind, that only there she would be alive. Seeing her inside the coffin was even more heartbreaking. I do not know what words to put here to describe what we suffered, there was a moment of the night that I did not take off from there, I felt that she could get up and that everything was just a nightmare. I remembered that moment one of our conversations about death, even though I was very young, she talked to me about everything openly, I thought that would make me less immature. His position on the subject let me know with a comment that remained in my memory: ''I don't know why people like to see the dead in the coffin, all inert there. What's more, when I die, don't look at me, for something that has a lid''. We complied with his will, and not out of respect, but because his body decomposed so fast that there were no chemicals applied to him that could slow down the process. A yellowish liquid with a strong odor came out of his eyes, ears and mouth.}

Se cumplió su voluntad; no la pudimos ver y la hora de su entierro fue adelantada, era imposible tenerla ahí con nosotros. Desde la hora de su entierro hasta hoy, no existe un día al año que no lo recuerde, me duele que no haya estado presente en cada momento de mi vida. Sin duda su incapacidad nunca fue un impedimento para cuidarme de la manera que lo hizo. Hay seres especiales que solo llegan a tu vida a darte una lección y por alguna razón luego se van, ella fue una. Sin duda, luego de 12 años, nunca me la he sacado de la mente, la recuerdo a cada momento, su olor, sus costumbres, todo vive en mí y cada oportunidad que tenga les hablaré a todos sobre la mujer ciega en silla de ruedas que me cuido y me dió los mejores años de mi infancia.

_{Her will was fulfilled; we could not see her and the time of her burial was brought forward, it was impossible to have her there with us. From the time of her burial until today, there is not a day a year that I do not remember him, it hurts me that he was not present in every moment of my life. Undoubtedly his disability was never an impediment to take care of me the way he did. There are special beings that only come into your life to teach you a lesson and for some reason then leave, she was one. Without a doubt, after 12 years, I have never taken her out of my mind, I remember her every moment, her smell, her habits, everything lives in me and every chance I get I will tell everyone about the blind woman in a wheelchair who took care of me and gave me the best years of my childhood.}

Las imágenes son de mi autoria