I wish I could say that it starts with a knot in my stomach. Or a blinding light. A premonition would be nice, or even a headache. But the truth is, I never know when I am going to be overcome with grief.
You might think I would be overcome right now, just talking about it, but no. It comes to me like a whiff, only it sticks around a bit longer than a whiff. Sometimes I can sob once and move it on down the line of my day, but sometimes I just have to stop whatever it is I am doing and double over in tears, moans, shouts even. Sometimes it feels like too much and I will never know joy again.
It's referred to as a hole by many, you've left a hole in my life. It feels more a monolith to me, always in reach should I care to touch it, not that I want to do that very often. It's always with me, carried like a newborn baby, like the newborn baby you were. Those eyes! Huge! Genuine! Joyous! I miss those eyes.
You color every thing I see
yellow
you sing with evey note I hear
love
you warm me you warm me you warm me
I vibrate as tears fall
I hum
I breathe
Just Breathe
and hold me till I die
This is my entry to 
