Another reason is that I don't ever want to get even the slightest hint that I'm bothering someone with my request. The moment I feel that way, I almost completely fold and never ask for help or anything from that person. I discovered this trait when I was in school. I needed some money and I thought to call my elder sister. When she heard my request she said I should know that she isn't the only one I should be meeting when I need money. She was very correct, and I understood her point, but her tone is what made me feel how I felt that day. I stopped asking her for anything for over a year. Anytime she called to ask how I was managing at school I would just tell her I was fine, even when I know I definitely wasn't. She was so mad when she got the wind of it.
Yet another reason is seeming too needy. I think this one explains itself sufficiently.
Again, I do not want anyone to see me and begin to feel contempt towards me because they are in a position to help me. There's one of my relatives that stayed close to my secondary school. Her house is just a walking distance from my school then. I go there once in a white go and say hello to her and she always gives me something to eat. One day when I went to her house I was really hungry. Immediately she saw me she starting making arrangements for my own food, thereby causing her children to wait till she was done. I saw the way her second daughter looked at me, and my I lost my appetite. I still had to accept the food and eat it because I didn't want her effort to seem wasted. But that was the last time I ate at her house till date. It might seem like a grudge, but I don't want history to repeat itself.
Lastly, I sometimes feel like things might go wrong if I involve people in something I can do, no matter how long it might take. I am someone that don't like playing the blame game. If I do something wrong I own up to it. Now involving people in the things I can do and it happens to go south, I will have to say who was at fault. But in my heart I will still think it was all my fault for involving people at all.
I know a lot of the mentioned reasons may seem unhealthy or begrudging, but I know how I feel when I ask for help and I hit a wall, or the person I'm asking behaves as if I were bothering them. Or even when they look at me or treat me with contempt. It is definitely not a feeling I will like to feel over and over again.
I hope with these few reasons I have stated, I have been able to tell why people, including myself find it difficult to ask for help.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. See you soon. 馃
