I have to say this: I am not really comfortable writing about what happened to me in the past few weeks though those events led to a lot of possibilities. But because there is a soul who felt that she failed me, I think that I need to say those reassuring words.
I met Mel a few weeks ago during my placement. She did what she thought was the best to get me through the course. However, I was not really able to formally thank her for all her efforts.
Today, I sent her an e mail. This is a part of the content:
Mel, you did the best that you could for me in order to get through the course. I might have been initially upset and frustrated but I want you to know, you did not fail me. You did what you believe is the best and I want you to know that I do appreciate that very much. You are very compassionate on top of being an excellent coach. I think that at the end of the day, you will be thinking of me as another student who completed her placement in your institution. I want you to know that you made a lot of difference in my life. You encouraged me to be a better nurse and a better person. If I will be taking mentoring in the future, my mindset will be: what would Mel do on this situation? How will she deal with it?
I need to "say" these words to her because a part of me felt that she thinks she had let me down. Being a person sometimes meant needing to be validated and reassured. I had been very busy verbalizing my concerns that I forgot to think of the other person. That other person is Mel.My supporter and coach.
Most of us no matter what our backgrounds are never had those moments where we were made aware of our worth and value. In my experience growing up, we were constantly criticized for all the mistakes we did no matter how insignificant they might be. As a result, most of us seek reassurance and validation. Either in academic excellence or any other "measurable" accomplishments. Most of my extended family members consider my story as a success story but for me, needing to be constantly validated and reassured meant that there is something missing in my life.
Though I am not an expert in psychology, I think that I am able to identify a person's need for reassurance and validation. That was what I saw in Mel.
As you can see, I did not use any fancy words to convey what I wanted to say. I just said what was in my heart. Honestly, I think sending the e mail felt like a two way system because I felt like the king of the damned after being released from my oath after hitting the send button:
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I would have added these words in the end: it is all right to feel what you felt. I too would feel the same. It takes a lot of courage to convey to me that you too needed support and validation. But, I hit the send button already. Her reply is just as emotional as my email. I wish her all the best.