Can you date your friend's ex?
Taking a guy's perspective, I think one of the first things we learn as guys is settling boundaries, especially around things we are vulnerable about, and that includes our women. As a young black boy I have learnt that your woman is one of the things that gives you bragging rights in circle and also it can be the same thing that makes you become the laughing stock amongst your peers. So you find guys are a little too careful when talking about their woman's business, especially one they care about. The rest are just for trash talk sadly, and they fall under the category of objects--sexual objects. How they are been addressed or talked about is absolutely demeaning. And as guy you might have joked about your friends taste in women, so there is this undue pressure on your own part to prove you're a better man. That might involve you falling under the category of philanderers who jump from one lady to another because they cannot trust one with their heart. They have a reputation to protect. And it's worth noting that a man's ego is worth note than anything in the world to him. He would do anything to protect it.
So let's get this scenario:
You meet this nice girl you're like and you're quick to tell your guys all possible nice things about this said girl. You hype her in every way possible. Unfortunately, a friend of yours has had an encounter with her and he tells your clique and it all becomes a joke. It might not be sex related, but anything that objectifies her will instantly bruise your ego and kill whether you think you feel for her. And if you do really care about her you might go further with your relationship, but you would do so in secrecy. That's until you have the confidence to stand up for her, and usually this takes time. This happened to me recently, and I can't put the said girl high up the pedestal I have design with my words. Now she not the girl Nonso likes, but the girl mr.A has touched or Mr. B has romanced. And to be honest, it's really painful hearing some of these things but I have had to take it in my strides and act unbothered.
Now to the question: will you date a girl your friend likes or an ex?
I have dated a girl my friend once liked. I never thought about the implications and much of the unsaid bro-code I had broken. He might have never made reference to it, but I know how it feel because I am in a similar situation but the tables are turned now. So for me it's a no. I cannot be with someone my friend fancies, it's just sacrilegious. It doesn't matter if she is aware or not, courtesy demands that you look elsewhere.
As regards dating a friend's ex, I think this is a very awkward thing to do and this is a position I will never want to assume. Some might argue that love can happen, well, I feel that person allowed that love happen. Loving someone is not something we are not in control of. And I dare say that if one falls in love with their friend's ex then it was premeditated. They fancied the person secretly and saw the broke as an opportunity to shoot their shot. Also, there are a million and one persons one can fall in love with who isn't an ex of a friend.
If you find yourself in such a situation then you have to choose between a rock and a hard place, your friendship or your love.
