This is Part 6 of my 7-day personal challenge. If you're just seeing this now, you can check my previous posts:
Moments are fleeting but there are ways to immortalize them one way is by taking photos. So as they say, pictures are forever. And yet, I am not the type of person who takes many photos. I believed that to be in the moment, you need all your senses. I also don’t like having my phone in my hand unless I am alone. Keeping my phone out of sight is just my way of respecting the person who I’m with.
Shae used to not take photos too. Until there came a time she tried to recall a memory but couldn’t. She didn’t have any pictures or remembrances that would help her remember the memory, so she asked a friend if she had any photos of that day.
I’ve been on dates with Shae but I don’t have much photos of her. However, even if I stare at her and observed every inch of her face, I can’t imagine her face clearly. Some parts were a blur. It’s uncanny for me to not imagine someone’s face vividly once I’ve spent time with them. I wonder why? Is this my mind’s way of helping me not to remember her? Is it because the time I spent with Shae wasn’t enough? Or is it because I found her not of strong character? Or was it because I knew nothing much about her?
Regardless, now I understand, I should have taken more pictures.
I don't take pictures
I love feeling the moment
Cherishing every frame
But this time
I wished I had taken photos
Didn't expect that
This will be the last time I see you
I have to forget you
And yet I just can't let go
I have to keep on replaying
The fun times we had in my mind
It hurts that those will end
But I want to at least save those
In my memories
And my only regret is
The times I've yet to spend with you.
Funny how all of the things above are what I wrote when I still wanted to remember her but now even the few pictures I have that reminded me of her are gone. Now I just hope, even the ones from my memories would just blur out even more. However, I can’t do that. Though temporary, I have to accept that Shae was part of my life. I have to pick up whatever lessons I got from this.
It’s amusing how my thinking has changed over the past few days. Especially after writing about her. I feel that I suddenly became sober. Without my feelings, what was my perspective of her? I began to think clearly. No longer absorbed or drowned with thoughts of her. Even as I’m writing this, I do not feel the same sadness as I had last week. I still do think of her though it’s not from a romantic perspective. It’s more of the what now? How am I supposed to proceed? I guess I’ll talk about this in the last part of this 7-day challenge.
But for now, no pictures for me. Maybe someday she and I can start anew. We’ll take photos but this time not to remember her but to remember the moment our friendship begins.
Background photo from Atahan Demir. Banner created on Canva.
