This is Part 5 of my 7-day personal challenge. If you're just seeing this now, you can check my previous posts:
"Shallow."
That’s what Shae told me when I asked her, "How much do you think I like you?"
Ouch. Right? Imagine. A person you truly cared about thought that all of your feelings for her were shallow. I guess it’s understandable for her to say that since we knew each other for just a few months but to me, those few months with her were an emotional roller coaster ride where most parts were fun and exciting.
I’ve thought about writing about Shae since last week and I already came up with the titles and the topics for this 7-day challenge of mine. Part 5 was supposed to be titled Shallowzone. Shallowzone was supposed to express how upset I was: the sadness, and disappointments on how my feelings were thought of and considered as shallow. T'was supposed to be a ranting session but I realized that those feelings already passed.
As much as I try to suppress these negative feelings within me, I am still human, incapable of controlling everything. Even if I wanted to fully understand Shae’s situation on why she had to let go of me, I can’t help but still react negatively towards it. It’s hard how we go so far to adjust for the people we care about. We end up completely forgetting ourselves in the process. I admit to this and in the end it just made things worse. At some point, all of the pent up emotions just come flooding in. Like a dam we tried to build with multiple pieces of broken driftwood, the water still overflows and the dam collapses.
If the water overflows, is that a bad thing though? It will continue flowing toward the path it was meant to go. In my case, I’ve already had my fair share of tears and breakdowns last week. Maybe that’s why I no longer have the fuel to rant about how hurt I was or how disappointed I was. Yikes.
All of the things I’ve written so far about Shae were mostly the positive things that happened or reminded me of her. Maybe that helped too. I was no longer stuck in the pain I have caused myself.
I am taking myself out of the shallowzone. Unshallowzoning myself. I choose to believe that what I had for her was not shallow even if she believes otherwise. From just caring about her feelings, I’ve forgotten I can choose how I could react on situations. I can choose on what I want to believe in. Her feelings matter but so do mine. And my feelings are as follows:
I could genuinely say, though unexpected, I let her crawl into my heart and even though I was in a time of hurt, I will never ever think that letting you in was a mistake.
Starting from here. The sun will go back down. The night will come so will the new morning. Then I could say that Shae was part of my yesterday.
Background photo from Bruno Scramgnon. Banner created on Canva.
