You see that girl? That is the same girl three years apart.
The girl on the left was eating the bare minimum to keep going, boxing two hours a day, and hated herself for sneaking a bite of anything not approved on her diet. She was losing 5 pounds a week, and was determined to reach her goal.
"I just have to lose two more inches off my hips. Two more. Only a couple more weeks, I'll get there."
But she never got there.
She knew better then to ignore what her body was telling her. That's why she would eat an extra protein bar, or sneak a bowl of cereal. Because her body couldn't survive on the egg whites, and 8 oz of protein a day. It couldn't thrive on 10 oz of green veggies. It needed fruit, it needed variety, it needed more than what was being given to it.
She knew that those two inches were skin and bone, and that she didn't have anymore fat to lose there.
The girl on the left was developing horrible thoughts about her body, because she was told she was too big. Her hips were too fat, and if she couldn't lose the weight she couldn't be a model. She wanted to model so bad, she wanted to follow that dream.
The girl on the right continues to follow that dream. She's not told she is too big or too fat, rather than she is almost too small. She's labeled as "curve" or "plus size." When people ask her how that's true, she just laughs and rolls her eyes while she says, "societies standards, I guess."
The girl on the right doesn't watch what she eats, but she still eats healthy (except the occasionally bowl or two of ice cream- whoops). She doesn't think badly of herself. She doesn't wish she could've been born with smaller hips so her measurements could be smaller.
The girl on the right is atleast 60 pounds heavier. She has a million more stretch marks, and her hips are atleast 4 inches wider.
She is happier.
She is healthier.
She is me.
The road to loving yourself isn't easy. Especially when you're in the habit of thinking poorly of yourself. When you have the pressures of society telling you that you are not beautiful, or that you're not skinny enough, or you're no curvy enough.
But I promise you, you can learn to love yourself.
It starts with accepting yourself. Tell yourself everyday that you are beautiful. It's going to feel cheesy as hell at first, but it's start to change your habits of thinking.
You have to realize that your opinion of yourself, is the ONLY one that matters. Period.
If you want to see more posts about my journey, let me know!
You can see more of my modeling images on my Instagram: @_nikkij
Thank you for all the support!
