I dreamed about my dad last night and woke up feeling wistful.
I also went to catch up with some good humans on Hive, before I went to sleep last night, and logged off feeling disappointed. And annoyed, if I’m to be honest.
And I always aim to be honest.
So disappointed and annoyed.
Because this 👇 is how I was taught to work by my late father. He was a very special, unique and admirable human.
And, I think, with this specific life lesson, he was totally right yet again.
"You see it doesn't matter what work it is you do." he would say.
"It doesn't matter what your job title is. That doesn't define who you are anyway. You can be a factory sweeper. And if you're a factory sweeper then you should do that work to the best of your ability. This is what will give you satisfaction at the end of the day."
Full story here
Also, "I see you" you Hive. And you're awesome. ❤️ #justsayin
Yep. I’m finally sharing my opinionated opinion on ChatGBDSMT.
Ooops… Freudian half slip.
I mean ChatGPT.
Most of you may know that I’ve taken some downtime, recently, to get healthy again. And to get back on my feet financially, hopefully.
Because being poor, as it turns out, is expensive. And it sucks, quite frankly. And by poor I mean poor, by the way. I don’t mean poor by my very wealthy friends' standards. I mean suffering daily poor because you can’t do the things you need to do to thrive poor. Or get to where you need to get to, to stay okay poor.
The you’re poor and if the shit hits the fan you're in real trouble kinda poor. Like an emergency trip to a chemist in the middle of the night with no transport in a country that you can’t complain about the public transport in. Because there isn’t any. And the transport that's available at that time of the night could get you killed anyway kinda poor.
I mean the kinda poor where you can’t afford to take a whole day off work because getting to where you need to be takes hours. And the waiting for the care you can’t afford takes days, or weeks at times, kinda poor. The you can’t take work off to wait anyway, kinda poor. Because there are a million people, as poor as you are, who'll take the shit job with not enough to survive on anyway kinda poor. I mean the you're replaceable anyway kinda poor.
I think you get the drift.
And still… even when I was there (and I was)… never ever not one time did I do anything that didn’t live with my personal principles and values.
Not. One. Fucking. Time.
And it was this exact stubbornness of mine that, ultimately, set me free in full.
But that’s the story I’ve been trying to share for so long and I’m still too tired, and too broke, to share right now. Because sharing that kind of content is only for those who can afford expensive lawyers and, probably necessary, very private security.
It truly sucks being poor in South Africa, is what I’m sayin'.
But there's a point at which selling yourself becomes slavery, you know.
And I’m all into freedom.
I just landed a website for another client, by the way.
For a massage parlour, if you can believe it.
I’m pretty excited right now. 😅
I had a very enjoyable hour or so, researching competitive businesses yesterday afternoon. A nice distraction. I wish I had the audacity to do that, actually. Paid for intimacy. No cuddling or drama required. Or marriage. Or fighting about rubbish.
Literally and figuratively both
It makes far more sense than most of the love relationships I run into these days. Or the ones being advertised on dating sites, if we're to be honest about this now. Honestly.
And holy moly some of those working gals are gorgeous, huh? 👀
Sadly, it turns out, I’m officially too old to become a sacred prostitute. Yes. The whole Tantra thing has taken off big time. Tantra my middle aged (lost it along with the rest of my life) ass. Sensual massage at best.
But I’m too old now anyway. Ass or no ass.
The application form stated ages from twenty something to thirty-five. I 'spose I could find a site that punts M.L.F.S. But, I suspect, I’ve moved more into the G.I.L.F market because I wear my hair in a bun all day now, a crocheted poncho is officially my “Cloak of Pippin" and I’m learning to knit as well.
But the girls are really beautiful, huh?!
Wowza!
Um... distraction... where was I.
See? ChatGPT would never do that.
ChatGPT is methodical, linear and logical.
And boring as fuck, by the way.
If there’s any reason to get on the game to stop content creators using it, it's because of this plain fact alone.
B.O.R.I.N.G.
It's the "tone". The "writer's voice." You can’t complain about this either. Because there isn’t any either.
And yes... I can tell when people are using it. Of course., I can.
Because I actually do read you.
And I know how you sound and express yourselves when you’re being human. I mean... that's why we read, innit? To be swept away by someone else's mind and story for a while. New perspectives, imaginings and horizons. Human connection. Why we're here and even bother to participate in this circus we call Life in the first place. If not what’s the point?
Now we're being inundated with ONE perspective.
Bland. Dull. Information driven. Toneless. Or tone deaf, I should say.
F.L.A.T.
If I wanted to read something information based on some far off place, I'd head over to Wikipedia ffs. I’m reading your content to connect with a small moment of your world. Your vision. Your experience and how it smelled, felt and surprised, delighted or terrified you. I wanna know what it was like for you and why. I want you to give me hope and inspiration and ignite some fire in my daily grind. Or to provoke me into taking action to move and shake in the world again. I wanna read you awkwardly human, weird and embarrassingly imperfect so I can laugh at us with you.
I wanna know I’m not so fuckin' strange and alone in the world after all.
C.H.A.T.G.P.T
D.U.L.L.
M.E.H.
Co-ordinated anything sucks the magic and vitality, and most importantly the authenticity, out of any real life experience. And ART.
So please don't waste my reading time. My time and attention. My absolutely most valuable possessions in the whole entire world.
Does it count as plagiarism if ChatGPT spews out the same content with a few different words stuck in, by the way?
I mean, will ChatGPT be held accountable for plagiarism at some stage?
Surely it must.
Speaking of which...
adding a few typos to your ChatGPT posts may fool AI but we humans feel things and communicate on many, many meta levels, you know. And some of us can pick a vibe up over 300km of wire and/or satellite connection. Because you can't fake a vibe. Not really.
So please don't use it around here anymore, okay?
It really brings the whole tone of Hive down.
Literally.
I've been looking into Deso, as I said I would, because fearless traveler, Curious George and we don't progress by isolating ourselves. And remaining wilfully ignorant. I also strongly believe in open relationships. Because freedom again.
Because “familiarity breeds contempt” and all that.
And laziness as well, as it turns out.
By the way, I still choose to return to Hive because of the heart around here. I'll say it again and again
Deso feels about as social as...
well...
ChatGPT.
I'm not jealous at all, too be clear. By nature, I mean.
This rant isn't because some of these auto generated posts are hitting big payouts. Which is also a bit of a fuck up in my opinionated opinion. This isn’t what this is about, although I know people will choose to believe what suits them best.
As we humans tend to do.
I'm conscious enough, these days, to acknowledge a small flash of jealousy if it does hit randomly. Momentarily. This is a part of my Shadow. A part of my developmental trauma, from early childhood, because my parents were unskilled, at times, and we kids were set off against each other for the role of favourite child of the day or week or whatever.
I'm so over that nonsense now.
No. That's not what this is about.
We all have "intuition". We all know what the reality of a situation is at all times.
We are wired to, you see.
We simply choose (at times) to not "see" it because we're somehow afraid.
But jealousy?
I see people acting this one out unconsciously around me all of the time. And people really aren’t even aware they're even acting it out, mostly. But that’s what “unconsciously” means.
People tell themselves they're following rules or whatever. But, secretly, they feel threatened and insecure. People tell themselves they're being productive with time or whatever...
but they really maybe aren't able to prioritise and let certain things go to make more time. Or to say no to some people because they're afraid.
It's our own unconscious animal instinct... our fear...
that drives us to behave badly and, ultimately, fucks us up personally in the long run.
When we’re in survival mode, we aren’t thinking rationally or consciously. We may resort to taking action that is out of alignment with the way we want to walk in the world in this state.
I’ve done this more a few times back when I was still using alcohol and substances, by the way. And it fucking sucks. I've spent years going back over my past and making the amends, I needed to make, to clear that shit out of my head.
So I could live a more peaceful life with myself.
These days I just try to keep it simple and not do it at all. And if something happens that does feel “off” to me, I address it as fast as possible to keep my head space clear. Because when I say it took me years to clear that shit up for myself (and making it right for others in the process)… I mean LITERALLY years!
I only got into recovery in my early forties, you know. That’s a whole lifetime of making bad decisions based on…
well…
It’s always fear.
Innit?
Nope. I've worked too hard to have to go back and do a whole bunch more of that at some stage again. Shame is an awful emotion to carry around. The worst, I think. And even if nobody notices or it doesn’t affect anyone else much…
If it doesn’t live with who you want to be on this planet…
you are going to know and it is going to bother you.
And no authentic self love and acceptance possible then.
See?
It’s a big ‘un.
So please take care of yourself. ❤️
So no. Not about jealousy; social hierarchy; animal instinct; financial fear and they are all pretty much the same thing really. Animal survival insitnct. Until we become conscious of it
I totally see a flash of jealousy in my own brain these days. Usually when a family thing is triggered briefly. Briefly! I know enough about my own history to know what's happening pretty quickly now. Almost ten years of doing this recovery thing hard. I may even be considered an expert but I don’t believe in experts much anymore either, these days.
Things are simply moving too fast now for anyone to be able to profess that for too long.
If I see the green-eyed monster, I roll my own eyes at my own "Self" now. It's by "seeing" these “”shadows” that they (honestly) disappear. Immediately.
I genuinely enjoy seeing people thrive. But that’s just me. I was trained to serve the adults around me, you see. An “Adult Child” they call us in some groups.
I guess that's why I've always been pretty good at jobs that are service orientated.
So for #FreedomFriday I’d strongly suggest a clear conscience being of the utmost importance for an authentically Minimal Lifestyle.
And possibly the most important thing to live as an authentically free individual.
I recently ran into the woman who illegally evicted my twelve year old and I last December, by the by. My bad. I triggered her trauma accidentally. But I also only did this because I was triggered when I did it back then.
She's unwell, and had been behaving erratically, and had also been offloading her shit on to me every day since I’d arrived.
I think letting people know I’m certified in recovery assistance is the problem right there. They immediately share all their stuff without thinking. But that’s also a symptom of trauma. The over-sharing and lack of personal boundaries. Boundaries for the traumatised person and everyone around them both.
I’ve been there and I get it. I know it as well because of my studies. Still, when we're in a fight/flight reaction not much logical or rational thinking is possible. It’s the nature of the beast and the "Reptile Brain" doing its job.
So, not thinking clearly, I asked her not to offload onto my son when he arrived the next day, while I was renting from her. But she’d had contact cut off from her grandson, for some years. And this pained her greatly.
Understandably.
Boom.
Ignition.
I received, at 8pm one evening shortly after my request, an email to evacuate the premises the next day. This was two days after my son had arrived for a very much needed special beach holiday break for us both. We'd been dealing with the unnecessary court case, and the fallout for three years, and hadn't had one holiday or weekend away since April 2019. So when I say we needed this...
we needed it badly.
I don't exaggerate because I have a boobs and a vagina, by the way. And I'm not remotely "overly-emotional" or "dramatic". Not anymore. My situation for the last while has drummed that out of me in full.
It's one of the perks, in fact.
So a beach holiday with my boy and always working anyway because self-employed.
I know some of you get this part
I'd, accordingly, sent C.V.s out in preparation for the summer and had already landed a very possible job. I'd booked a place for three months with exactly this in mind. To gain some ground health wise and financially. I already knew I needed to rest and reboot. Yep. Way back then in December 2022 already.
This was when the travels went horribly awry.
She enlisted some shit head lawyer, who clearly has no idea of how the law actually works, to do her dirty work for her.
And, with the sudden stomping around upstairs at 2am in the morning, I didn’t feel safe keeping my son there.
He was nervous and uncomfortable by the time we got that email at 8pm on a Monday night. And he'd already been left traumatized by the family court process in the Western Cape. Totally botched by my government. Currently under investigation by the Department of Social Development. Narry a word heard in how many years is it now...
and now sitting with some mysterious "Directorate", apparently.
Whatever that means.
It's why I asked her not to offload on my boy.
We were both desperately trying to heal from the "proceedings" and government "assistance", after I ignorantly went to them for help.
Hey... know what?
I'm also done with talking about them as well now.
I'm over their rubbish too.
But a parting shot is...
if any of them had actually abided by their duties and supposed values...
none of this would be happening.
Of course...
I'd never had made it onto Hive then so...
for those of you who wish I hadn't, please (try) and take it up with the government in the Western Cape and South Africa at large. 😏
Anyhoo...
with the weird behaviour upstairs, and written threats from the shit head attorney who clearly doesn't know much about rental laws and who refused to answer my emails anyway, I chose to simply leave.
Photo of a twelve year old sitting outside on a bag, surrounded by a small arrangement our remaining worldly belongings - removed for privacy reasons.
And that’s what really lead to me being so sick, a few months ago, that I had to take a full rest and stop everything to get back onto my feet physically.
I mean… I met a few more not so present humans along the way who added fuel to my burn out… but that lady right there?
She was the one who started the serious downhill slide. Her, her mind-controlled minion and that attorney of hers.
I'll follow up with the Law Society when I have the time.
I consider this "right action", you see.
Although I'm over this too, someone could get hurt. Or die or something stupid. Because of unethical practice, you see. *sigh What a waste of precious time when things could be so simple.
So I ran into her in the village the other day, was my point.
She's not looking so great at the moment. And she couldn’t even make eye contact with me. She stuck her head down, hunched into herself and scurried past me like a rat being hotly pursued.
The only thing I felt was pity when I saw this.
Honestly.
I’ve been there.
And it sucks.
I think this is what my Buddhist teacher used to try and explain to me about compassion, by the way.
When you understand that people are acting out their own unconscious imaginings, mostly, it’s easy to forgive them. As far as forgetting though? Well... that requires personal accountability and ownership, I reckon. It goes to safety, you see. Self preservation in a too predatory world right now.
Amended behaviour counts. ❤️
But her other tenant won the case against her so it seems she hasn't learned much yet.
I also saw she’s renting one of her places out again.
Needless to say, I won’t be applying for the rental or suggesting anyone who needs one talk to her. And I happen to know two very reliable tenants that are looking for accommodation out here. I wouldn't trust her to provide a safe, warm space for anyone I care about though. It is what it is.
We make our own luck.
And fate.
Best to try and simply "do the 'right' thing", maybe.
And to "keep our side of the street clean". 😬
There’s nothing more important than a Minimal Clear Headspace, in my experience.
Honestly.
Also... it's far more fun!
Hmmmmm... still waiting. No response yet. I find this sad as, development wise this blockchain has a lot of potential and what looks like a fuck ton of money thrown at it. But money doesn't buy authenticity or common sense so...
I'm new over there so maybe I just haven't met my people yet? I do happen to know more than a few around here who would've found me pretty funny and upvoted me anyway. And another few who wouldn't have found me funny at all. But who would've stepped up anyway, to set me or themselves straight.
And that's all we need to grow and progress together, you know...
Open conversation.
Even if it's uncomfortable at times.
In fact... I'd go as far as to say that the more uncomfortable a specific conversation is...
the more desperately we need to talk about the topic.
Another loooooong post. Sorry and thanks for your reading time if you made it this far. I don't use ChatGPT for my writing. And I never will.
If I did I'm sure the Bot would've edited this down for you. To a reasonable reading time; for a generalised optimised post length; to gain the most readership; and make the most money, honey.
But my stories happen organically, and meander all over the show, and I kinda feel this is how some of whatever message people may need to hear is shared. Somehow.
It's the way the stuff we don't know about yet...
"works".
And I don't wanna destroy the magic. 💥
Please excuse typos. Only Fully human...
P.S. I've taken all autovotes off for now. Although there are some of my favourite humans and creators here, who deserve consistent support, I had to take all off to remain neutral for now.
So if you see me say hello, it's me.
You've been duly warned. 😁 And I can't wait to see you!
Eternal Seeker
Hardened Dreamer
Mother
Peaceful Warrior
Determined Dancer
and Stargazer
still...
Beyond fear is freedom
And there is nothing to be afraid of.
To Life, with Love... and always for Truth!
Nicky Dee
All images my own for this one. Original Aweh (meta Verse) illustration created with Photoshop. Original illustration used original source unknown. Gif created using Canva. Jung meme created using IMGFlip.
All photo editing done with GIMP.
