Hit pause.
I found myself saying this throughout the day, after I read the prompt.
It works, y'know! Hit pause. When I want to walk down to the shop and buy a chocolate and a single cigarette. Or two.
"Hit pause." I say to myself and I'm keeping it!
Great prompt. Great advice. You don't even have to stop smoking or whatever bad habit you want to stop. You just gotta hit pause for a bit and see what happens next.
My son says I should stop smoking. "I have." I quip cheekily. "I stop every time I put one out."
But today I find myself not wanting to smoke again. I prefer the yoga and I've picked that up, you see. And it's taken. Sometimes you have to keep on trying until something sticks.
And sometimes you just gotta hit pause until the moment passes as well.
Hit pause.
Just today, maybe, I shouldn't write. Does this prompt mean that?
Hit pause on the posts?
I won't though. I've committed to this daily prompt. Let's say for 30 days. To begin with. To keep me using my voice. It's too easy to be silent where I live, you see. If I hit pause on the writing and speaking, I could forget to switch the go button back on quite easily.
So yoga again and I do love it so.
I remember.
It's like a hit pause for life. I did it twice today, in fact. Not full classes. I'm not into torture. Much. Unless it's... hit pause. You don't want to know too much. But trying to stop smoking was torture for some years. And during some attempts.
Funny thing. Today it's easy to hit pause on that one because there's something cooler to take its place. Also like this battle I've been fighting for so many years. I seem to have finally run myself out, at last.
I hit pause on that too.
This was in response to 
So otherwise an easy like Sunday morning. At last.
I say this because it's been some years since I've been able to chill the fuck out. Properly. Even on the weekends. Always working, building, missioning, striving.
I couldn't even read, you know. And I used to love reading. And books.
Thing is... since the shitstorm began to unfold back in 2019, I suddenly found it difficult to read at all. It's been something I've missed massively and, although I went on trying to sell my books to travel light (compulsively buying more at the same time), I've yet to be able to justify spending time on reading.
Nor been able to concentrate while trying to read.
Can you imagine that?
Weird, huh? Not really, but we'll maybe talk about this later
Well, I found it a bit worrisome, in all honesty. I mean... I read small articles online. Some of which really turned up at the most opportune and necessary moments. Little snippets of wisdom and inspiration. Direct to my email inbox. So aligned with exactly what I needed to read on that particular day, that it felt as though they'd been strung together especially for me.
You know how that feels, I bet.
Yeah... reading really can transport and transcend "you" in all sorts of wonderful ways. And fuck have I missed it!
But today... last night actually (Big Saturday Night In...good lords and ladies how the mighty have fallen) I picked up a new book and began to read in bed. There goes my "cool" again. sigh
But also... the reading is back! Worthy exchange
I won't bore you too much with the rest of my easy like Sunday.
Suffice to say something is different. In a different sort of way. And I like it. I like it enough to keep on with it. Something has lifted. For sure. And, in all honesty, after being very focused on a specific mission for some years now...
this is refreshing.
And pretty exciting, really.
It also feels effortless.
I think that's usually when you can be pretty sure things are moving and flowing again. Isn't it? When it feels kinda effortless and breezy free. And fun, even.
I'll share this. Not a fuck am I about to allow anybody to mess with this. This, right here, is precious. Because what it is... and it is this... is that feeling you get when you are happy with your own self. And interested in your own self. And your own company. And your own life.
And not in a working it kinda way, right. This the the defining factor. But in a I'm chilled to enjoy this time in the way I enjoy my time best, kinda way. Liber-fucker-ation-at-last. Yes. I remember this feeling...
I remember being here before, in fact. Many, many years ago! Before I spontaneously went to that trance party, took that LSD, met that guy and broke up with my rather wonderful boyfriend (imagine being a bot?) and went off on that badly thought out direction that pretty much took me on...
Hit pause.
It did get me sober.
So just enjoying my days, right now. Again.
And honestly for the first time, in this sense, in many years. As in this peaceful, hopeful, is-that-actually-fun kinda sense. As in a what shall I learn and who shall I meet and hang out with next, kinda way.
As in an... I may not be where I want to but I don't much care because I'll get there kinda way. And an I don't really care much what they think or say kinda way. As in an.... it's all okay at last kinda way.
I think I've finally finished off the process of grieving.
And it has, as they say, been a fuckin' long winter around here.
Okay... they don't say fuckin' but I've kinda gone beyond caring about offending folks with sweary words, these days. With everything else they let slide that is far, far worse... Seriously now. 🙄
Busy watching this and it's adorable.
Highly recommend it and you may even start to believe in love again. Don't blame me if you do, okay? If you gave up on it in the first place, I mean.
Eh... I know, I know. But it has a half decent story, he's adorable, she's a wanna be writer... fame, fortune, fuckups, life... it's fun. Heartwarming. And nicely done.
Kinda retro even with the great soundtrack. You'll thank me later for this part.
Enjoy.
Or don't, as it were.
And dinner.
One of the least expensive, fastest to whip up meals possible on a Minimalist Menu. a.k.a "Still Working On It".
It also happens to contain two of my favourite ingredients. But you'll have to figure out which ones yerself.
This is also officially the first time I have posted a meal on social media. Ever.
Hive. Wtf have you done to me?
1 x Fresh Tomato
1 x Green chilli
1 x TBS (Yeah I'm single. So?) chopped garlic
1 x dash vinegar
salt to taste
Chuck it in the pasta and there you go. It's a ten minute meal for bachelorettes. And bachelors. We don't discriminate because of sexy bits around here.
Also... Yum.
The pasta dish, I mean.
“There are only two mantras, yum and yuck, mine is yum.”
― Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker
Right. I'm gonna hit pause on this one now.
I have a series to watch, a pretty great book to read and I want to be up early-ish for the morning dance and yoga session in my kitchen and lounge. I can't wait. My favourite part of the day, really.
That and Fortnite.
Don't tell. 💗
Eternal Seeker
Hardened Dreamer
Mother
Peaceful Warrior
Determined Dancer
and Stargazer
still...
Beyond fear is freedom
And there is nothing to be afraid of.
To Life, with Love... and always for Truth!
Nicky Dee
Featured Photo by mayte wisniewski on Unsplash
Photo editing done with GIMP.
