I went to bed pretty early yesterday, but I still think I slept 10 hours or more.
Not counting yesterday's naps.
I was and still am pretty mentally exhausted. There are certain things I need to be able to focus, and be productive.
And currently simple there are too many things around my life, that are not as I would like them to be. I don't have a space just for me, or hours to myself.
So I'm going back to night hours. Because it's the only way to have a few hours to myself.
Not that I like the idea, I like it much better to be able to get up early and have a few hours.
But in the mornings there are always two of us in this office, and I hate people around to work with. I like to be alone, I need silence and solitude.
And there's no fucking way.
I'm going to look at the coffee and start the day...
I've stopped the stream, I feel blocked......
Because I was so frustrated, not having some quiet/solitude in the morning I went back to bed.
Now it's 10:46, I got up and took a shower.
And I'm thinking about renting an office in town or something, although that doesn't suit me at all.
It would be better to start traveling with the laptop. Every time I feel I have no space. But I hate to have to leave my house.
From my house. From my house to be able to find what I need.
And if you don't think that I haven't asked for it, I've talked about it in every way and with every possible state of mind.
In fact, back there, I thought I understood because I had a similar problem.
So let's see what will become of this day... that currently seems to me a real shit.
I've always been in favor of talking about things, but I think it's nonsense in many occasions.
In the end, people understand when you talk if they feel like it, and if they don't feel like it, they say they understand so they can continue the same.
Now I will go eat, and then boe to know, waste the rest of the day probably.
I spent most of the afternoon sleeping, and more sleeping. I think I'm tired of trying, trying, trying, talking, blablalba.
I'm going to let things go, and find a way to get the peace of mind I need.
Every time I say something, then things are weird for a while and then they go back to the way they were before.
And that's why I say that talking is useless, what is useful is to change things.
I have a situation around me that I have already lived several times, each time I try to react differently to see if something changes.
But these are things that don't depend on me, I can't help, and I'm not going to break my head any more about how to improve if there's no input from the other party.
And if it makes me feel bad, it's hard for me to do the things I want to do and enjoy. Because if my partner is having a bad time, how can I enjoy myself?
But I can't stand still all the time either, I started the stream I had programmed and stopped again because I didn't feel good.
Until a while later I said to myself, fuck it, the world keeps turning, don't stop yourself. And I did start the stream again.
I decided to start the Death Stranding game, and I spent about 3 hours in the stream, 2 and a half of those playing.
I liked it a lot, it helped me to disconnect. And it's something I enjoy and it's been a while since I've done it this way. Playing simple to enjoy.
In the next days I will upload the gameplay to 3speak youtube and odysee in case anyone is interested :)
You can also follow me on twitch -> I appreciate your follow and if from time to time you want to come in and chat I'll be happy to.
Now I'm going to watch a movie, eat a sandwich and then dream. And tomorrow I will try to start the day better than today and take advantage of it.
Maybe I just needed a day of total disconnection.
Good night friends...
Ayer me acoste bastante temprano, aún asi creo que he dormido 10 horas o mas.
Sin contar las siestas de ayer.
Estaba y sigo bastante agotado mentalmente. Hay ciertas cosas que necesito para poder centrarme, y ser productivo.
Y actualmente simple hay demasiadas cosas alrededor de mi vida, que no están como me gustaría. No tengo un espacio solo para ni, ni horas para mi.
Asique voy a volver a horario nocturno. Porque es la unica forma de tener unas horas para mi solo.
No es que me gusté la idea, me gusta bastante mas poder levantarme temprano y tener unas horas.
Pero las mañanas estamos siempre dos en esta oficina, y detesto gente alrededor para trabajar. Me gusta estar solo, necesito silencio y soledad.
Y no hay fucking manera.
voy mirar el café y empezar el día...
he parado el stream, me siento bloqueado......
Como me sentia tan frustrado, de no tener un poco de tranqulidad/soledad a la mañana me volvi a la cama.
Ahora son las 10:46, me levante me duche.
Y ando pensando en alquiar una oficina en el pueblo o algo, aunque eso no me conviene nada.
Mejor sería empezar a viajar con el potatil. Cada vez que siento que no tengo espacio. Pero me jode tener que irme de mi casa.
De im casa. De mi casa por poder encontar eso que necesito.
Y si no penséis que no lo he pedido, hablado de todas formas y con todos los estados de animos posibles.
Es mas ahi atrás, pense que lo entendia porque tenia un problema similar.
Asique vamos a ver que va ser de este dia... que actualmente me parece una autentica mierda.
Siempre estuve a favor de hablar las cosas, pero creo que es un sinsentido en muchas ocasiones.
Al final la gente, entiende cuando hablas si le da la gana, y si no le da la gana dicen que lo entienenden para seguir igual.
Ahora ire comer, y despues boe a saber, perder el resto del día probable.
Me pasé casi toda la tarde dormiendo, y mas dormiendo. Creo que estoy canso de esforzarme, intentar, hablar, blablalba.
Voy dejar pasar las cosas, y buscarme la forma tener la tranquilidad que necesito.
Cada vez que digo algo, despues las cosas están raras durante un tiempo para que vuelvan a lo mismo de antes.
Y justo por eso digo que hablar no sirve de nada, lo que sirve es cambiar las cosas.
Vuelvo a tener una situación a mi alrededor que ya he vivido varias veces, cada vez intento reaccionar diferente para ver si algo cambia.
Pero son cosas que no dependen de mi, ni puedo ayudar, ni voy romperme mas la cabeza como mejorar si no viene input de la otra parte.
Y si me hace sentir mal, me cuesta hacer las cosas que quiero yo y disfrutar. Porque si mi pareja lo esta pasando mal como puedo disfrutar no?
Pero tampoco puedo estar siempre parado, empece el stream que tenia programado y volvi a parar poque no me sentia bien.
Hasta que un rato mas tarde me dije, al carajo el mundo se sigue girando no te pares tu. Y si volvi lanzar el stream.
Pues he decidio empezar el juego Death Stranding, y si estuve unas 3 horas en stream, de esas 2 y media jugando.
Me gusto mucho, me ayudo a desconectar. Y es algo que disfruto y hace tiempo que no lo hago de esta forma. Jugar simple para disfrutar.
En los próximos días subire el gameplay a 3speak youtube y odysee por si alguien le interesa :)
Tambien me podeis seguir en twitch -> os agradezco vuestro follow y si de vez en cuando os apetece entrar a charlar yo encantado.
Ahora voy mirar una Peli, comer un bocata y despues a soñar. Y mañana intentar empezar el día mejor que hoy y aprovecharlo.
Igual solo necesitaba un día de desconexión total.
Buenas noches amigos...
I am everyday life on twitch, click below on the link and come say hi, and that your frome hive :)
