I never told you that I rehearse goodbyes before love even begins.
Because it always ends. That is how it is.
I rehearse them because I know it’s going to hurt,
and I want to be prepared.
I recognized my pattern,
the red flags I was chasing.
Of course I knew it was going to end.
Even with friends.
Because I felt that amazing old soul
entering my life,
like a reunion after thousands of years apart,
was going to keep traveling
and never come back in this lifetime.
I rehearse them over and over again,
every time I’m going to meet him later that day,
when he is lying half-asleep next to me in his bed.
I rehearse the goodbyes
so I don’t fall apart crying,
so I can act cool,
uninterested.
I never told you that I rehearse goodbyes before love even begins.
Perhaps because I didn’t want to love.
Or maybe I was already drunk on it.
I never told you that I loved you when you left,
because a goodbye was all I needed.
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