Love of my life, you've hurt me
You've broken my heart, and now you leave me
Love of my life, can't you see?
Bring it back, bring it back
Don't take it away from me
Because you don't know what it means to me...
"All my lovers asked me why they couldn't replace Mary (Austin) but it's simply impossible. The only friend I've got is Mary and I don't want anybody else. To me, she was my common-law wife. To me, it was a marriage. We believe in each other, thats enough for me. I couldn't fall in love with a man the same way as I have with Mary."
Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary
I was 'Born Too Late' by 2 weeks. Overdue, Donna was administered Pitocin, 19 hours later I was fading, losing oxygen. Oddly enough the woman who weighed nearly 300 lbs at that point didn't have hips wide enough to accommodate my entrance into the world.
And after all of that...a Cesarean Section was performed by Dr. Burns, vertically, back in '76, and Jennifer Alice was lifted from her mother's womb into the light at 1:48 am on October 28th.
Spanning October 23 to November 21, is perhaps the most notoriously secretive sign of the zodiac. Ruled by Pluto, the planet of transformation and the underworld, Scorpios are known for their depth, intensity, and ability to keep their true intentions and feelings closely guarded. And need to.
I wanted to be unlocked for the entirety of my life.
Oh God, I pray I'll never get AIDS. So many friends have it. Some have died, others won't last much longer. I'm terrified that I'll be next. Immediately after each time I have sex I think, 'Suppose that was the one? Suppose the virus is now in my body? I jump in the shower and scrub myself clean, although I know it's useless and anyway it's too late.
30 seconds in I lose my entire heart...to Brian May, who, in November 2022, blew my mind regarding Buddy Holly's song 'Maybe, Baby...' as he analyzed the Intro and pointed out what a haunting harmony that lead-in was...I'd never truly considered it eerie til he said it, and he's right. Roger Taylor is also working on stealing what's quickly becoming larger and larger...and Deacon's quiet tendrils encircle my heart, little ivy sprigs encompassing it, making it blossom and bloom.
How I recently become a rocker chick, I don't know. Never thought I'd be into the '70's bands. When my Journey began at 12 at the Duluth Public Library and that big, thick Rock n' Roll book jumped off of the pages and into my heart, getting to the Psychedelic '60's proved anything but advantageous for a young girl wanting to make sense of the songs she was listening to. Skipped that time period completely. Now that nearly 40 years have gone by God has put me back where He wants me, thank Him.
I liked to sing, I don't know, call it natural gift or whatever, you know, I'm not afraid to say it. It's just I like to sing and then I suddenly realized that I could actually write songs and then make my own music rather than before I would, you know, sort of copy Elvis Presley songs and things as I do, then I realized that I could actually write my own songs and do it my own way. Then suddenly, you know, there was a little taste of success.
Every day I wake up smiling and know down the hall is a man who is my 'Best Friend.' Whether I can hear him stirring in the kitchen, packing his lunch before slipping into my bedroom to hug me good morning, filling my nostrils with the intoxicating scent of his aftershave, Listerine and coconut shampoo...or on a weekend when I know he'll be asleep long after I take my first walk of the day...I know my Best Friend is in that room. Giving me something to smile about, to feel strong about, to feel secure about.
I had a male rocker Best Friend in 2nd grade who held that title all through high school. And when Freddie Mercury died and we all came back from Thanksgiving vacation, he brought in 'Bohemian Rhapsody' and Mr. Roby put it on, cranked it, and we all rocked out in honor of him, his legacy, his passion, heart, soul, honesty...I didn't know what it truly meant to me until now.
I've never been attracted to straight teeth. Tiny, 'perfect' noses. Chic, close haircuts. Bulging biceps. Eh. Cookie cutter messes.
Boys of my species are all a bunch of zeros except for the ones that play that guitar...
I'd rather check out riffs and memorize chords.
Give me full, soft lips, Lord, please...eyes that pinion you where you stand and damn near undress you...shamelessly.
Noses so crooked, so enormous...skinny legs, LONG knuckles, questionable hairstyles, slim physiques, give me British teeth...GIVE ME...these things...Mr. Sandman...
This Broken Microphone Stand is everything to me:
Love...'To Love...'
That was the directive in 1993.
I spent 12 years trying to shove my powerful voice into Alison Krauss's breathy whisper...
...before realizing Steve Perry and Freddie Mercury were going to show me exactly why you can't stuff 20 pounds of sausage into a 5 pound sack.
And I'm not going to shove my love for anyone into secrets and lies.
I love so many people, so many dear people...some I'm IN love with, as we speak. Some I choose to love, some I love and choose not to fall in love with. It would be a gigantic lie on my part to tell a single soul that draws breath that I don't have 'feeling' feelings for the gentleman in my life. Could I list them all? Possibly, there are so many at this point...Will I? No, it'll shine through when it needs to, when it wants to.
Tropical Storm Debby was gotten through just fine. Even went shopping through it...there may have been dancing to 'Perfect' by Ed Sheerhan. I may have looked up 'Eidelweiss' so I could teach 'someone' how to play it for their German Teacher mama. I may have pinpointed my beachside Maid of Honor. He may have called me Mrs. ________ a couple of times...I may have blushed.
We might have purchased me some flip flops and a communication device to prove my residency. A brand new, diamond necklacey one that I don't have the foggiest idea how to use yet. I may have tiptoed into his bedroom around 9am after my morning walk, been held SOOOO tight against him while we didn't speak, while we let his body wake up pressed against my own, til mine woke up right along with his in more ways that one. Maybe we were as good as we could be even though we wanted to be very, very bad. Maybe I cried because I finally feel like I can trust someone who I let touch me. I cried because I didn't realize someone I didn't trust was touching me for a long time without any heart behind it. I cried because he was everything that I didn't know I wanted, he was adventurous and yet also monitoring my reactions. Indulged me in what I love to indulge myself in. And when my now bruised lips found his I was only held, only loved, only listened to, only adored. The little things that are huge things.
He may have made an Italian dinner while we listened to 'That's Amore,' 'Kisses Sweeter Than Wine,' 'Mambo Italiano,' 'Bella Note...' etc...he may have imbibed some red wine, we may have danced yet again in that kitchen as I dipped bread sticks in balsamic vinegar and fed it to him between songs and cooking steps.
There may be a little 'Freddie' in someone's father...
Lady Sybil passed away tonight on Downton and when he said before the episode began 'Do you have one more in ya?' and I said 'Yes, please!' he hadn't realized it was the one that tore everyone's hearts out. And there we sat together with paper towels, drying our eyes, my head on his shoulder and his hand squeezing mine so hard it was nice just to know someone actually cares about my tears...I don't have a boyfriend. I don't have a fiancee. I don't have a husband. I have a Best Friend.
'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love
Not knowing what it was
I will not give you up this time
But darling, just kiss me slow
Your heart is all I own
And in your eyes, you're holding mine
And Love...no matter who it is that God directs this Fucking Fabulous heart at...is mine to feel, to give, to acknowledge. And it seems like the more I love the more love I have to GIVE.
And with my heart lost to this man and that man I can't seem to get through a listen of this song without bawling my eyes out...
You will remember
When this is blown over
And everything's all by the way
When I grow older
I will be there at your side to remind you
How I still love you
(I still love you)
Back, hurry back
Please, bring it back home to me
Because you don't know
What it means to me
