It’s hard to be honest especially when you’d feel like just embarrassing yourself. It feels like you’re drowning in sadness, you can’t breathe and suffocate from the depth of your loneliness. You’ll feel like there’s no one who could understand you. You want someone to listen to you but you want to be alone. You want to express what you’re feeling inside but you just think it’s better not to. It’s hard to comprehend what your heart desires.
“I’m not okay,” obviously, that’s the reason for feeling down. Not just an ordinary one but a desperate one like you want to beg for someone to ask you, “Are you okay?” You don’t want to be obvious but you wish to be that way. You want them to take action and be concerned with what you’re feeling. Though you are still at fault because you don’t open up about what you’ve been through. Well, it’s not easy, a part of you is ashamed to ask for help casually.
Quiet. You really wish to see if someone could understand you. In an untold story of you, you wish someone would tell yours. And if possible, someone would light a light in your dark world. Too bad, that’s not going to work, probably in fantasies. Like a superhero would save you and protect you from your despair. Still, you are dreaming about making it happen in your life.
Actually, yeah, so many things are happening in my imagination. Disappointments, regrets and many more that makes me deeply sad. I just don’t know where to begin and don’t know how to say it loudly. My fear of being misjudged stops me from being open about what I’m really feeling inside. Also the thought of being rejected prevents me from being honest. To tell you the truth, I am desperate to let the suffocating feeling inside. I’m just too cowardly to let it out and pretend to be brave in keeping it by myself instead.
All I could say is “I’m not okay.” This phrase is the only one I can freely speak up. It’s like a clue of my paradox heart which is disheartened. Just please don’t ask me why I am being like this or else I will embarrass myself more. I hope to be understood this time and maybe just let me this way.
Thank you for reading
All content is my own unless otherwise noted
If images are being recycled, I just found it fit in my article.
Paul was born in Macrohon, Southern Leyte but currently living in Cahayag, San Francisco Southern Leyte. He graduated the course of a BS Mar-E or Bachelor of Science in Marine Engineering in 2019. Although writing is his passion so instead of sailing he decided on writing.
He writes occasionally about random stuff he would see in the outside world. He loves to express what he feels through writing because he's not good at speaking personally.
He also writes fictional stories and emotions because he thinks life matters. He is hoping that his words could reach someone who might be feeling down.
Join me and support me through my adventures not just to the world but also to the human minds not to hate being alive.
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