We are all lazy at some point. We know what it means to procrastinate. All of us hate it, except that we don’t. We all have read and agreed with all the memes of laziness doing their rounds on the internet. Most of us like to defend our lethargy in one way or other. At times it’s health issues, or sometimes it’s not having enough money or resources or not having the aptitude for it. But more often than not we admit to being lazy and just laugh it off like it’s of no importance. Hell, we even take pride in being the biggest procrastinator in the room and boast about our last minute adventures.
Sometimes, however, not working yourselves hard enough can be tormenting. Not because it affects productivity, but the lack of it causes a lot of stress. It gives you the under achiever’s complex. It gives ME the under achiever’s complex. I feel like I should get a lot of things done in a day; I make heartfelt promises to myself only to lose track of time while watching some K-drama. And just like that the whole day flies away, then a whole week and then a month and I look back and realise that I haven’t moved an inch. At that point I DETEST myself. I regret having been a good-for-nothing sloth and immediately get planning in order to mend my ways. In the evening that day, my husband gets home, knows my mood is off, knows why it’s off and reads a list of the things that I have accomplished since the three years that we know each other.
That lifts my spirits up but only so much. Deep down I get this feeling of fooling him into thinking that I am a hard worker. I don’t really deserve his pride, or anyone else’s for that matter. No doubt I am in a much better place career wise, but it’s not enough. It isn’t enough that I take care of the house all by myself, make meals twice a day (most of the times) and still manage to earn a lot more freelancing than I would have at a full time job. It isn’t enough that my work is my passion. It is not enough that I do this even with my chronic headaches. It just isn’t enough!
This is probably because I know full well that I am capable of accomplishing so much more, but that’s where my lazy ass gets in the way. When it comes to being lazy, I reckon that I have an angel and a demon, each perched on my shoulders, whispering warnings and sermons into my ears.
The demon lures me into the temptation of procrastination. He makes me believe that it’s not necessary I work up to my full potential. He lets me think that I should allow myself the privilege of doing nothing because I suffer from everyday migraine. He nudges me with an elbow and says, “It’s okay! You can order food today. You cooked lunch. It’s fine if you spend an exorbitant amount on that Chinese place you like for dinner!”
The angel wakes up late. The angel always appears at hindsight. He just gives me looks full of disapproval. That’s enough to tell me that I am only looking for excuses of putting my work away as much as I can. I can see him look me up and down and that lets me know how much out of shape I have gotten.
The demon again pops his head and whispers, “Hmph! So what if you have grown fat? It’s not like you can resume jogging! Not with that headache!”
The angel just narrows his eyes and the demon purrs, “Oh come on! That chocolate is just to make you feel better!”
The demon lets me sin and the angel judges. I sin and I judge. And on and on it goes, even late into the night. And that results in the formation of this blog post.
