I'm going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment, for reasons I'd rather not put on a permanent blockchain. Nothing spectacular, very human things we probably all go through at one point or another.
But the way I handle difficult times is normally to learn & understand. I'll bury myself in knowledge of all subsidiary elements of an issue to get a full grasp on it and, even if I'm powerless to control it, I can at least be somewhat predictive about it, and find moments and opportunities I can better get a grasp of it.
This time, however, I found a perhaps more 'normal' approach just by happenstance, and that is to engage with other human stories. A more popular person might confide in friends and family but I don't really have that luxury, so I browsed Youtube.
As I was scrolling shorts, a livestream popped up of this guy in America who has just been an absolute King of inspiration to me. Following this, I came across another, somewhat less wholesome individual, who nonetheless has value in his existence more than he perhaps knows. Here's a little brief overview of each and let me tell you, If you're having a bad day, you ain't seen nothing yet.
So this guy just talks on camera while he has his morning coffee. That's it. Nothing interesting. Mostly entirely mundane, topics like how he washes his mug, the bed he bought, or occasional politics and music/movie talk.
But he is not afraid to shy away from talking about his personal life which, at 56 years old, has seen some things. For one, he's a twice divorced man with four children. A profile:
And when I say lost it all, I mean it. You can trace his entire progress through his Youtube feed, back when he still was married, wealthy and on top of the world, all the way to now.
Only months ago, he was sleeping in his car for months, having to make a choice between affording a place to stay or food. He got a humble job at target and at some other point, waiting tables at a cafe. He lived in shared accomodation for a while too. This is in his mid 50's!
He finally found a place of his own just 2 months ago where he had a fairly physical job that he would work 7 days in a row often, and much of that up to 10 hours at a time. Just recently, he got a second job to fully support his financial obligations.
His 'savings' are a handful of coins on a table.
From millionaire status to sleeping in a car with nothing.
His marriages didn't seem to fall apart from anything like abuse, infidelity or anything like this. More, a difference in directions, and marrying for the wrong reasons.
It's hard for me to imagine getting through such a difficult series of events in just a few years. It's hard to imagine losing everything from a lifetime of building, and to look to the future and see nothing remotely similar to which you are familiar.
It's even more stunning to me that he takes it all on the chin with a smile. He quit drinking, smoking, replaces with coffee and live streaming. He has turned to religion, naturally, and tries to continue old hobbies of golf and fishing. He has no other friends in his new home in a new state, but he meets people every day.
He has goals, and no pressure of time to accomplish them. He has recognised that there is a plan for him and he go with it. I'm not religious so damn I envy that psychological safety net.
I am truly fascinated watching him open up about his struggles, the way he deals with it and copes, and I enjoy his innocent excitement at the simple joys in life such as finally saving enough to buy a houseplant, or a mattress for two of his daughters to sleep on over Father's day while he sleeps on the futon.
Blessings to this guy, for real. You can learn a lot about your own life through his experiences. The world has thrown everything it can at him so far and he genuinely seems better for it. To be honest, in many ways I envy the life he has built himself from the ground up! What strength.
This guy is markedly less successful in the way he handles life. I've only followed for a few days so I know a lot less but ho, boy.
So his live stream is often just a couple of dozen people, if that. Under 1,000 subscribers. And he just kind of stares at the camera at weird chin-up angles, and pretty much drools slow, broken conversation as if he's high on morphine all day.
And that's because he is.
Prescribed painkillers and anti-psychotics, in fact. The painkillers are due to him having a double knee transplant from which he is currently recovering, alone in a flat in Liverpool. Why a double knee transplant? He tells us, he jumped off a bridge. You can see the huge scars down his leg on the path to recovery.
I'd have a hard time saying this guy looked handsome or charming, or even innocent. He talks in a very rough, chav kind of way to the camera, thinking by showing off a thin wad of cash and a fake gold chain shows he's not a smack head, but in fact a normal successful person.
In reality, he has been in and out of prison I guess his whole life. He counted and listed the 7 prisons he had been in over the years, for what reasons I don't know, but given his psychosis - yes, he hears voices - It's not hard to imagine.
He's got bowel issues as a result of the surgery so he has to keep taking prescription morphine and go on some kind of celiac diet until his next surgery this Saturday.
When asked if he ever feels sad, he simply stated:
I'm always sad, mate. I'm always sad.
And it just ripped at my heartstrings.
He has an absolute cocktail of mental issues beyond hearing voices. In diagnosis:
And there's also an innocence to him that feels oddly bright in such a darkened life. Every 20 minutes or so he looked away from the camera, informing us that to keep healthy eyes, follow the 20/20/20 rule of looking away for 20 seconds at something 20 feet away.
Like, dude, you have a LOT more to worry about than your eyesight lol. But it's nice, it's a symbol of him trying to be a healthy, normal individual.
He also does routine, albeit dozy and drugged up, seated leg exercises, explaining like a child what sets he's supposed to do. When one commenter accidentally gave his location away, he deleted it saying 'I like my followers to be safe on this stream'. Such simple kindness is everything!
In this individual's story, I can only see a glimmer of faint light that he is clinging to, but nonetheless, there is light. I am sure he will 'relapse' into crime or substance abuse or whatever else, and I am less sure he will ever be able to climb out of it. But I hope he will. He clearly wants to. Having voices in your head, schizophrenia, is a significant obstacle even the strongest people will fall to.
If he even finds a semblance of a healthy life with the cards he's been dealt, it will be worth celebrating.
It feels a bit of a dick move really. But that's kinda what we humans do. That's why we listen to sad songs after a break up because we know others can relate, or have it worse. And we can support each other, and feel good in giving it.
The thoughts you speak become the world in which you live
As for me, my 'rough patch' isn't even close to these stories. Take any one single issue from either of them and I'm doing better overall than just that alone. So for us significantly more comfortable people, a bit of giving back to the right people will go a long, long way to saving them and the chain reaction will undoubtedly bounce to others from there.
Inspiring, eh?
