There is something about Nigerian parents calling your name that you can never really explain to someone who didn't grow up in a Nigerian home.
Your name can sound completely different depending on what you have done.
When your parents are happy with you, they can call you in the sweetest way possible. You might even think they want to give you money or buy you something.
But when you hear your full name, including your middle name, just know that something is not right. 😂
And the funniest part is that you don't even need to see their faces before you start thinking about everything you have done since morning.
Did I leave the light on? Did I forget to wash the plate? Did somebody report me? What exactly happened?
You start checking your memory like somebody who has been called for questioning.
Sometimes, you haven't even done anything wrong, but your body will still react.
You could be sitting comfortably in your room, watching videos on your phone and enjoying yourself. Then you hear your name from the sitting room.
"MIKAIL!"
Suddenly, the video isn't funny anymore.
You pause it, stand up and answer, "Yes, mummy?"
"Come here."
That is all she says.
No explanation. No extra information. Just come here.
Now you are walking towards the sitting room, trying to guess what she wants. By the time you get there, you have already prepared about five different explanations for things you haven't even been accused of doing. 🤣
And after all that stress, she might simply ask you to bring the remote control that is sitting right beside her.
You will look at the remote, look at her, and quietly collect it.
But you dare not ask why she couldn't pick it up herself.
That question can turn a peaceful afternoon into a family meeting.
Another thing Nigerian parents do is call you when you are finally comfortable.
You can spend the whole afternoon moving around the house, doing absolutely nothing important. Nobody needs you.
But the moment you lie down, cover yourself with a bedsheet and close your eyes, that is when everybody remembers your existence.
"Come and help me with something."
You ask what it is.
"Just come first!"
Why can't you tell me what it is from there? Am I coming to inspect a crime scene? 😂
And somehow, the thing they need your help with always takes longer than expected.
You might have planned to rest for ten minutes, but now you are arranging things, moving chairs or helping with something that wasn't part of your original plan.
By the time you return to your room, your body has forgotten what sleeping feels like.
But let's talk about the most dangerous sentence in a Nigerian home:
"Wait until your father comes back."
Ah! 😂
Nobody needs to explain what that means. You just start hoping that your father will come home in a very good mood.
Suddenly, you remember all the good things you have done recently. You greeted the neighbours yesterday. You washed your plate last night. You even helped carry something into the house two days ago.
Surely, these things should count for something!
The funny thing is that, as we grow older, some of these childhood experiences become the stories we laugh about with our friends.
At the time, we weren't laughing. We were just trying to survive until bedtime.
Of course, not every Nigerian home is the same, and some parents are much calmer than others. But if you grew up in a home where your name could mean five different things depending on how it was called, you probably understand what I'm talking about.
Sometimes, I wonder whether our parents know how much drama they create just by calling our names.
Now tell me the truth. 😂
When your Nigerian mum or dad calls your full name, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?
And what is that one sentence your parents say that immediately makes you behave yourself?
Let's hear your stories in the comments. I know some of you have experienced things that are even funnier than this!