I want to tell you what's going on with Lovey. I want to tell you a million other things also. Some would be context. Some would be how I fell about the context. But it's all too much. I don't know where to begin. What to include and to omit... The man who had Lovey tied and starving to death, so that he could not even bark or make a poop... He's gone that man. I need him to stay gone, but his mother lives next door. I thought at first, "poor guy, he can't even manage to feed his dog."... After a while i realized he always had enough to feed his dog because he had enough for beer and cigarettes. Is it not ironic that he had named him "Lovey" and then proceeded to torture him? But now, shhhuuuuush, don't ask me why I stayed with him after having this realization... I'm a sucker (for a sob story...an underdog...). And now I don't know if any of his stories are even true and I suppose it doesn't matter.
Lovey is big and strong now and wants to murder my chickens. He's mostly so sweet and affectionate with me.. If a bit over eager to jump on me and play rough. He's learned how to just let me kiss his nose without trying to bite mine. He seemed to be learning to stay away from chickens until I evicted the human who used to hit and starve him. It's only been a few days. Maybe he just needs time. He feels afraid and insecure probably. I don't know. But he has menaced me twice in the last two days and I'm more than a bit afraid of him. I've been letting him off of the run at night. He does a perimeter check. He runs around and plays and then he just sleeps on the couch out front of the house. And in the morning, he lets me leash him back into the run. I tried to let him sleep inside the other night but he jumped out the window. No thanks.
I don't know what I'm doing here. Lovey's X person... My X person he used me... Somebody in town finally explained to me straight that he tricks women, manipulates them, gets them to support him. I'm ashamed and disgusted with myself and heart broken. I'm so tired of not being able to do life. I don't understand people and I don't think I want to try anymore. Does everybody feel so confused most of the time?
I don't know how to tell if somebody is genuine and I feel guilty for doubting people when they claim to "love me," for example...And now I'm afraid of Lovey and I don't know what to do with him. I thought that I could continue training him better and better...
I know that things will likely improve after a few more days..a week or two?.. But right now I'm just tried of struggling, tired of feeling so tired.
Lila helped him catch the chicken, i think.. Yesterday.. Then she was repentant all day after I castigated her..VERBALLY only and with my body language. She is incredibly clever. She stares deep into my eyes and listens very very well. But yesterday, after the chicken... She was looking to Lovey after I called her and told her where to come to, when to stay. She looked to him instead of obeying. I felt hopeless.
Today, however, she is back to being my incredibly obedient puppy, who goes just where I tell her... Almost all the time.
Older posts about Lovey:
We Met
Thanks for bothering.
Hugs and kisses to you all.
I made the fotos and wrote the bla bla bla.
Will translate tomorrow into Spanish.
