So Lovey went off to the vet. Last Monday morning, I put mildly tranquilizing drops in his breakfast and two very gentle men came and picked him up.
It was not easy. Even with the drops, he was scared and strong and fighting them.. But they were patient and professional. Basically they made him submit like wrestlers. I had to walk away at one moment because I couldn't watch. But really, they were gentle.
He came back from the veterinarian's with all of the fly strike wounds and his ear cleaned out and covered with medicine to prevent flies from laying more eggs and to speed the healing. I was supposed to reapply this medicine three times per day, but that proved impossible. That night when he came home, I wanted to sleep outside with him and set up a couch to be near him... But it was too close. He climbed up onto the couch with me and was sweet and affectionate. I thought it would be okay. I should have realized that he was also coming out of anesthesia from being castrated and I know the dangers. I know better. I went to reach for my backpack which was on the other side of Lovey and he got startled and bit my face. It isn't very bad or deep at all, but it did break the skin. It's almost all healed by now really. He'll have to go back for vaccines and a few other things because it was too much to do all in one day.
He didn't demonstrate aggression when I approached with the "curabichera", but he was clearly very fearful and I was too afraid to try until this morning, when he did nip at my arm and so I gave up again. However, even without the topical medication, they all look to be healing up well. He's taking internal medicines as well, to ensure this: an antibiotic and an antiparisitic; I've been giving him zinc and vitamin c.
However he also pulled out his stitches. It isn't bleeding and it is closing up. The wound looks clean. The veterinarian says it should be fine. But gosh, the anxiety I've had, just trying to get a peek at it without making him feel afraid and wishing I could put something on it.
It's been a heavy month really. I'm having trouble feeling at home and Integrating here a lot of the time. I'm rather lonely. The day before yesterday, a neighbor's dogs (same neighbor as the last time) broke into the reinforced chicken house and killed almost all of our bird-friends. All of the egg-laying hens who were just a few days into productive maturity, the majority of the roasters who were only a few weeks old, our beautiful rooster who had just gotten his adult singing voice on.... But only one of the "caseros." The caseros are closer to wild chickens in their genetics and they are fast and clever. My sweetie and his sister and nephew jumped on it to clean up the carnage. I was a sobbing mess. The new chicken house is almost ready and it's right close to Lovey so this will not be a problem again. Two of the injured but alive roasters have died since.. Well, one I chose to sacrifice because she was clearly suffering and not going to survive, this morning. I'm intent on training Lovey not only to not kill chickens himself, but to be their guardian.
And things are looking up all of the time. My sweetie and I are learning each other. He pushes me hard to speak up for myself and I'm healing the terror of my own aggression. Without it, this relationship won't function, so here goes nothing. The past handful of years, I've felt as though I didn't know who I am anymore. Now, today, at least, I feel like I'm embodying the strength and peace that others could see in me but I never really did. Not that I lacked confidence. Before the abusive ex at least, I had a strong self-image. I'll give you an example: my dad once told me that he used to worry that I was emotionally too soft and open for the world, but that what he realized was that those characteristics are my strengths and that I'd always been stronger than he had realized. For myself, I feel like an open wound...a walking talking broken-heart. It's not easy to remember all of the time that "there is a crack in everything and that's how the light gets in."
