Merry Saturday everyone! Ho ho ho!!
Lockdown continues and to be honest, I do not know what I am more scared of, catching the plague virus or being caught by my neighbours breaking the many unwritten rules of Lockdown.
I see them, twitching their curtains every time I go out. I fervently hope that they aren't masturbating but you can never tell with the Scottish.
But tonight isn't about masturbating neighbours and creeping about under cover of darkness setting fire to poos and throwing them at random houses.
No! Tonight is about beer and the eagle-eyed among you will have spotted that I have two delights this week! Two! It's like 2019 all over again!
Even worse better, we have two sours. Two! I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The first is an all natural root beer job. Which has the potential to be nice if only I knew what root beer actually was. Anyone? I suppose I could google it but that would ruin the fun.
I will pretend it is some kind of beverage strained through arse-hair.
Moving on from arse-hair. The second be a Shotgun Sour with literally tenteen tons of fruit in it.
Hmm.
To quote the mighty Han Solo... Leia, quit it with the teeth on my Jim Henson?!
Oops, not that quote... this one!
I got a bad feeling about this...
So let's get soor.
The list of ingredients in this sounds fucking insane to me. Cinnamon, nutmeg, dandelion, burdock, star anise, ginger, vanilla and all spice.
What the fuck is it, some kind of cake you crumble and sprinkle in your garden to keep away vermin?
Is this what root beer is? Just a collection of random things dug up from the ground and brewed in old pond water?
Oh well, let's pour the damned thing.
Well, it kinda looks alright. I mean the colour is generally in the right beer direction. Perhaps it will be a tasty treat?
Uffa!! That's shit, literally like dissolved jelly cola sweets. But no fizz, no tart goodness. Nothing sour about it. Just a slight sweet cloying taste.
Maybe this is what Corona sputum tastes like? A poor sour, 4/10 booms
Ha! Who would have thought on a Saturday I would be drinking literal shit from a can?
Next!
SHOTGUN BABY!! YEAH!
That's the name of the beer not what I shout out to the Good Lady as I pull out the old sea cucumber and waggle it menacingly in her direction. (Ok, I lie, I do shout that.)
This one, whilst still a sour doesn't seem to have all of the mad shit that the other has. This one instead opts more for the sweet side of things with a truckload of raspberries and blackberries.
Are we allowed to say blackberry these days?
No matter, let's pull the trigger on the mofo, double-barrel style!
Hmm, looks a bit... menstrual?
It is definitely a bit womb coloured and I should know. I spent long enough in one.
Doesn't automatically mean it will be awful though, does it?
We'll see.
Ha! After the sheer wombiness of it, I did not have high hopes at all but you know, it was fucking marvelous! Big and bold, juicy and tart, like a sexy squirrel in a jam jar. Top fucking donk. 9/10 booms!!
And damn. I forgot to sing the shotgun song in the video!!
Lordy ho, what a week! Well, the night is still young so I am gonna throw on my speedos and smear myself in whippy cream and tell the Good Lady to help herself to some swiss roll.
I fucking love the Swiss.
Catch ya later, dudes!