In these situations. Let's fix forward.
The trainer looked at us all expectantly. Look at me!! He was mentally screaming at us. I used a buzzwordy phrase!!
We all sighed at the same time, trapped in a room with a buffoon who was teaching us the fundamentals of lean project delivery.
Perhaps he would have been best served teaching us the fundamentals of time dilation. After all, it felt like the training had been going on for some days. Yet sadly, my watch informed me it had only been an hour.
I noticed the trainer dude had frozen mid-grin, leaning forward trying to catch all of our eyes.
I think he was waiting for a round of applause? It didn't arrive.
He decided to carry on. His spiel now moving on to how we could positively adapt to shifting sands.
Shifting sands, like a desert? I idly wondered how he would positively adapt to a good punch in the neck.
I felt like I was in a time warp. Wasn't this the same course I had attended multiple times in the past? Was I Truman Burbank? and the world was having a merry old giggle at me from the other side of a TV screen?
The day marched on at a snails pace. Lunch eventually arrived. It comprised of sandwiches with grey mayonnaise and a dark leathery drink. I think I liked the grey mayonnaise, it might have been tuna.
After the grey mayonnaise and the dark leathery drink (was it actually coffee?) Before long it was back to the learning.
Several times I pinched myself to stay awake. That didn't really work so I tried biting one of my fingers with a little more success.
My stomach cramped and gurgled rather loudly eliciting a few titters from those nearby. What the heck was going on, was it something that I ate?
I found myself fighting the urge to pass wind fearing that the eruption might cause unfound panic among the class.
The trainer dude was reaching the crescendo of his day. Loudly declaring that we now had a tool kit and with it we could enable others. My stomach cramped again. A silent parp hissed from between my cargo bay doors.
No-one noticed.
A miasmic death stench percolated up to my nostrils. Oh flip. This was a bad one. It wouldn't take a genius to triangulate the stench if it proved to be a smoggy long laster.
I looked about frantically. Its at times like these help is scarce. I readied myself to field the pointed fingers and accusing stares.
One of my work colleagues next to me groaned and lifted a bum cheek up.
WTF? Quick to take advantage I pointed.
Oh Joe mate, that's stinking? Urgh?
As my finest cologne wafted among them others took up the gauntlet and threw a chorus of disgusted sneers and derision at poor old Joe. Someone even suggested that he
I think I learned a valuable lesson today.
Don't eat grey mayonnaise.
