I had joined Steem back then when I was having a crisis in my professional life.
I was burnt out by the corporate bullshit and in essence, became a Neet that did not leave the house.
I was withdrawn and struggling with suicidal ideation at that time and several people in the platform helped me overcome it.
Then I started becoming really active in several communities both local and international and it consumed a better half of my day by publishing at least one post a day, commenting and reaching out to people and often just hanging out in discord.
I was having fun but I needed to be reintegrated back to society. I needed to go out and make a living, While at one point, Steem had been able to provide my expenses to a certain extent, the great crash happened and I had to get a regular paycheck like normal people.
So fast forward to going back to recruitment, working in an office and being surrounded by people.
It was such a change and often times I would catch myself of just wanting to retreat back to being a NEET. Often times before stepping out of the door I would catch myself hesitating and just wanting to call in sick.
To play videogames and hide again but I would take a deep breathe and psyche myself just one more day.
It had continued for almost 2 years and then I moved to a different company because I felt grossly underpaid and undervalued.
Yet almost 6 months into it I began hating work again. Recruitment which I often thought of as my calling was something that I hated doing.
I started to hate talking to people, convincing them to find a job when I hated my own job. I hated people that it was a bother picking up the phone and calling.
I would resort to sending short messages and if they did not respond then I thought well I did my part already.
Inside it was hurting because my morals and values did not this person. I often saw myself as a failure and hated myself for it.
I sent my resignation because I could not stand myself being like this aside from I hated the guts of my immediate superior.
With the self-loathing, I poured everything into playing video games again. Spending a good chunk of the day just playing. I was losing sleep and was not working right. I made the bare minimum just to show show semblance of work but I knew I could do more. I just didn't care.
I was just counting the days till my effective date of resignation when they decided to move me to a different team and client.
Maybe there was hope and I started to work normally again. I cut down my video games in order for me to get enough sleep and focus on work. In a way it felt like the old me again.
Why go back to Hive then, I don't know maybe to just start putting down my thoughts again. To write, to be able to process my thoughts, to read it and ponder.
I was journaling my thoughts as per instructed by my therapist and while writing on paper is nice and all, I suddenly missed this medium.
As it once saved me, it might save me again.