I often don't like to talk about religion matter or my spiritual life, but I still can't do without thinking about it. One of the reasons for that is because all my adult life has been spent in living religiously and serving in church services in different capacities over the years until 3 years ago when I suddenly found myself losing interest in the things that once gives me so much joy.
Even at that state my heart was always longing for the things that I have abandoned but I couldn't find the strength to get back on my feet again and return to where my heart belongs. The past 3 years has been the most toughest years of my life, they could be described as a state of walking in a wilderness where you thirsty for water but not a single drop available to quench your thirst.
I used to be a person who cannot pass a day without studying the scripture and making out new bible lessons for church teachings, but for over three years reading the Bible has never comes to my mind and even when I tried to force myself to do it, It doesn't interest me.
Moreover, as a father in a Christian family, it becomes even more heavier when on Sundays my wife and children goes to the church and I left alone at home, not once or twice but for more than 3 years. I didn't like my state of being, I wanted to return to my old ways of life, I knew something has left me but the strength and courage to reconnect back wasn't just there anymore.
Many times I would get ready to go to any church I could find close to my house but as soon as I get closer to a church the courage to get into the church would fail me and I would returned home.
However, I finally overcame that weakness that has kept me out from where my heart actually yean to. Today being Sunday, I got myself ready and left for a church that I was convinced about, and for the first time in 3 years I had a wonderful experience worshipping God with other people.
And as if everything was arrange for my purpose, I was even asked to read out a portion of the Bible during the sermon section in the service. It was such a delightful experience as I reflected on the past and the state that I was before. I felt satisfied and fulfilled for finally breaking out of the prison and chains that has held me bound.
This is where my heart yean to, the place my heart belongs.
When I look back at everything, I think that the distance to return was not that the place changed, but it was me who lost the strength to return. And when that strength finally came back, even in its tiny piece, it was enough to move forward positively like having a new beginning. I know it won't be easy to get back to where I used to be, but this first step is as important as everything else.
