Either consciously or unconsciously, I just know we were trained and brought up to compete, when a question is been asked in class and someone happens to be able to solve or answer it, just know someone else is lurking there swearing to be the first to answer the next.
Well, I can say that was me back then, even down to the food we take to school back then you can't just outshine me, how possible. I did and try my best, I came to school early, I greet my teachers, I dress neatly, I answer questions....and all, well it happened that someone else was made the class captain, and I cried my eyes out, she was not the most brilliant, neither was I, but I did tried by best to outperform her because I just can't stand losing...That was when I learnt that competition could make your heart bitter if not in the right place.
There's beauty in competing too, Bisi was a friend of mine in secondary school. We were both smart, and we both always top the class, but non of us tried to bring each other down, we don't gossip backbite at each other, I was very good with mathematics, she was very good in chemistry, so we often take turns in tutoring each other. Bisi and I are so close that we never even taught of outshining each other, we don't count score, we just push one another to be better. My point is, competition does not have to be toxic, it can just help you push to see how much further you can go.
Healthy competition is when you are running your own race to win while still having another individual running his/her own as well. You don't want them to fail neither do you want to fail, you both are just doing your best, it becomes toxic when you start wishing for someone else’s downfall, when you find yourself losing your peace because someone else is doing better, whereas you are also not doing bad, it's no longer a good race as you will find yourself rejoicing at this other persons downfall or mistake.
It is a thin lie, so kt is very easy to cross, there are a lot of factors surrounding us in our world today that could lead to it...unemployment, hunger, peer/family pressure, lack....and all, so we really need to constantly check ourselves, on a daily, at every opportunity, ask self....*am I doing this because I really love it or because I just want to outshine/overtake someone, is this me inspired by others or am I being... the motive behind a certain thing tells if it is healthy or not.
Personally, I now use competition as a tool, as fuel, to keep me going, and I have also trained my mind to genuinely celebrate people. When someone I know wins a contest, bags a degree, builds a house, get married, get employed, receives recognition or succeeds at something I also wanted, I just pause and tell myself that mine is also coming.... that mindset is what has kept me sane, cause of a truth, it tends to look somehow atimes, especially when you know you deserve it.
Understanding matters, knowing we are all on different journeys. The Bisi I told you about is now almost a doctor(she’s presently doing her medical internship, sorry I don't know the exact term, but you get it right..), while I am here writing, coaching, advising and all. We both took different paths and we both won. Thats life, run your own race and applaud others as they run theirs....a yoruba adage says..Oju orun to eye fo, meaning there’s enough space in the sky for every bird to fly without touching one another.
All pictures are mine.
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