I am struggling yet it irks me when I find someone writes about it. They write their struggle in such a way that it sounds beyond measure.
Everyone is struggling. I struggle as well yet somehow, I position myself that I am in a better place than the homeless around the corner of my neighborhood. Even I often have little to get by and wait for money generously falling from the sky, I still feel grateful about it. If I can get a job right now, anything, I'd do it. At least it will feed a mouth or two. But yeah, due being a full-time student, it's currently difficult. I even know, it sounds like an excuse but we all have excuses.
I can even see through my own self that someone will yell at me, "fuck your excuses. Go do something. Suck a dick if you will. (this is what happened the last time I expressed how I struggle to get by). Maybe I just happened to be surrounded by jerks in the past. Who managed to kill my beliefs to compassion and humanity.
However I personally dislike asking. I don't know but I've been taught to fix my own problem. The biggest pressure is always mental instead physical. Especially when you don't know where to tell your problem because whenever you tell them your problem, they'd say " suck it up". Yeah, right. Honestly, listening is more than enough because maybe we don't need an opinion? we will ask when we need an opinion.
Anyhow, I do love giving those who need; anyone really. But yeah, when it comes to asking, I am pretty bad at it. However, I would never say no if anyone give/help me right away. I just hate asking because I hope people will have some sort of conscience about people who are close to them. But yeah, this sort of thing helped me to understand that again, we're all individuals and it's okay to not always help others. Be selfish.
And again, my mind yelled at me, " suck it up buttercup".
/end rant
Rant like this helps me to see through myself. Why is that certain thing annoy me? because when something annoys me, it means something is wrong. And if I don't have enough to get by, what the fuck is wrong? how can I fix that? have I tried enough? have I adjust my expenses accordingly? besides, it's good to let this all out.
Oh yeah, maybe I'll reconsider working my a*ss off more so nobody ever dare to tell me " work harder!"
Mac
