Promises are made to be broken. These were my exact words when I ended my very first relationship. She reminded me of the forever I promised her, and reminded me of the other promises I made to her. It wasn’t that I couldn’t keep those promises, it was that I did not love her enough to keep them. She was all in, while I was testing the waters and when I knew what I wanted wasn’t her, I knew the best thing I could do for her is let her go find someone who would give her the kind of love she deserved. I did not want to leave, there was no other person in the picture, but I knew I had to save her the stress now, I did not want to have to cheat on her, so I made the decision to break those promises while promising myself to never make a promise I can not keep.
Photo by Recep Tayyip EROĞLU on Unsplash
After that experience, I was haunted with the memory of how she felt. Even though I knew it was the right decision, it was the first time I hurt someone directly and it made me feel like the Devil himself. My next relationship ended with the girl hurting me directly, and every other one that followed. The thought of breaking a promise made me overlook a lot of things in relationships, but also made me know what to promise and what not to promise so I could also save my heart. Now I do not promise to never leave, instead, I promise to always be there as long as I can. Because if I can’t I would be defaulting on my promise. Now I can promise to love you, but I can’t promise to never leave because I have the right to leave if the relationship becomes toxic.
This is how much I value promises, but then again, I do not believe promises after my love experience in 2022. It turned out she was lying all along and was just flowing with the moment while I believed her every word. WHen I discovered the truth, I vowed to myself never to believe what anyone tells me and it has helped me a lot. Recently My boss promised to directly help me in the area of finances. My family told me to remind him, but I told them I never believed a word he said. I hate getting my hopes up only for someone to dash them against the wall. When my Ex promised to stay with me and all, I believed, unknowingly to me she never had me in mind, she just loved how I loved her and uttered words. These were the words she told someone who asked about our relationship. She was waiting for some other guy all along, and when I discovered I promised myself that she would be the last person to take me for a fool like that.
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Today, I fear that trait is becoming toxic, because it does not give room for faith in a relationship. I was never believing my partner's promises which made it hard to bond with her on a certain level. It took a lot to become vulnerable in that aspect again until one time when my partner promised me I could always talk to her without judgement and I believed. I held on to that promise because I had no one to physically talk to, and when I talked to her, she couldn’t handle it and lashed out at me. That action made me go back into my shell of not believing promises, but lately I learned to come out of the shell and accepting that a promise unfulfilled is a natural part of life
THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S PROMPT FOR WEEK 172 EPISODE 1
