My legs are as heavy as my mind. Everything feels like discomfort and suffering in front as much as behind me. I am in the middle of it. Hundreds of kilometers left to cycle and I barely manage to do 50 in one day. I just want to be back in my own bed. I crave my own space. However, they aren’t even my destination. Everything seems too far to reach and too hard to reach. “What’s even the point to keep going?”
I cycle along a little countryside road in the early mornings. It’s foggy, and I don’t see much of my surroundings, occasionally a house or village appears. A cow watches me pass. I cross a little patch of orange leaved forest.
"What a cold day that is. How much further do I have to cycle?"
Eventually I catch myself on that mental downward spiral I am about to drown myself into. Did I forget how well I slept? I managed to get a good deep night of sleep in the forest last night. Couldn’t I see the magic of the mysterious forest around myself? Did I forget to appreciate that I am out here on a random Thursday morning? I am cycling instead of rushing to work.
For a while, I pretend to be happy. I start to list randomly how beautiful everything around me is. I do this even if it isn’t. "See how nicely the road descends. What a marvelous tree I just passed. Look at the freshness of green that grass transmits..." Until I make myself laugh because of how absurd that situation is.
In one village I encounter an old lady. Suddenly she appears out of the fog, I greet her. And she replies so warmly and enthusiastically that I can not help but feel a whole lot better than before.
Just after I pass a farmers-shop where they sell Soup. I find delight in knowing I won't have to cook later today. And I am glad I still be able to eat something warm. That little bit of reassurance keeps me going.
Until I meet a 20% inclination upwards along a cow field and through a few huge orange glowing trees. That climb burns out almost all of my left over pessimism.
Around 10am the sun comes to my aid. As she warms up my frozen body and hard thoughts I have my first coffee. Without me noticing my mind had started to wander and marvel through lighter fields. "What a lovely day that is."
Gladly I pick up on that change of moods and decide to have another coffee break a few kilometers further. While I dry all my stuff, and even brush my hair. Which both makes me feel like I have all the important things in life sorted out. Which I do, as when cycling “the important things of life” resume to: being dry, fed and safe.
From now on, I ride through sunny hills and forests. I no longer doubt my decision to be here. And I sing along every time I can spare some of my breath. The kilometers fly by and so do the hours.
Until the sun stands already low in the sky, almost setting as I pass a little lake. Just in time I manage to take all my thousand layers of clothes off to go for a swim. There I am, one with that dark black water, the trees orange and green above me, surrounded by golden reed. The last sunrays on my face. That’s how I had imagined this trip to be.
I cycle further, and as it is getting dark I am welcomed by Juliane into the warmth of her home. She offers me a shower, pasta and a bed. Accompanied by conversations long past my usual bedtime into the dark of the night.
Did that day turn out that good just because I started to first pretend and then believe it would?
A hopeless foggy morning had turned into a magical sunny day and a warm and cozy evening. Did all of that really just happen because I changed my mind? Because I stopped telling myself how awful my situation was and started to appreciate it all instead?
Is all "just Mindset"?
Thanks for stopping by, enjoy your Thursday!
All photos and words are owned by ©kesityu taken and written by myself.
