Lately I've been truly appreciating a decision I made at the beginning of this year. I had just come back to work after a blissful 3 weeks of holiday and all of a sudden, my Anxiety was through the roof!
I just couldn't understand it, as for quite some time now I've been managing it very well. As I do, I started looking at all the different areas of my life, trying to identify what could possibly be triggering it again. I say triggering it again as I've learnt that my anxiety generally flares up, quite aggressively, I might add, when I'm confronted with certain situations or emotions where I feel threatened or less than perfect in some way.
And that's when it hit me! An incredibly challenging individual had recently moved into our shared office space. Now when I say challenging, that would be how most people would describe her, in my case though it's probably better to refer to her as incredibly triggering for me!
Triggering loosely translated in my head means that there is some trauma somewhere from the past that kicks up feelings of unease or anxiety when confronted by a perceived or real situation which reminds you of that event now.
I'm sure there is a fancier and more accurate meaning, but hey that's how I feel about how it makes me feel. It's not a nice feeling and historically it would normally ignite my need to run away as fast as possible to avoid feeling this way.
Thankfully, and through no easy process, I now know that these are actually perfect opportunities to learn and grow from. It has by no means been as simple as I'm making it sound here. In fact it's been a very long journey and trust me when I say that it has not always been easy.
So one day I just reminded myself that while I might want this person to stop using certain words, and attacking me in a very combative way there is no easier solution than to breathe and remind myself that while she's making me feel uncomfortable that she is not going to change and it is not my responsibility to 'fix' the situation. I changed the way I reacted internally.
Yip, that age old change the way you react thing, turns out to be true hey.
Fast forward a few weeks and I'm actually incredibly proud of the way I have been dealing and responding to said individual. Someone at work actually told me yesterday that the way I handle her in her chaos is amazing.
So what was the decision? To just let things be as they are and not overinflate their importance in my life. I am only in control of myself and my own responses and actions. I cannot take on everyone's problems and try to fix everything for them. My own peace is way more precious to me than that. So I'll just continue working through these triggers one at a time until I get to the other side.
Thank you for Reading 😀
With Love Always, Justine.
All Photos Are My Own,
Unless Sourced Otherwise lol 😂
Photo's taken with my Samsung Galaxy Note 20 Ultra.
