OH! what is this treachery? You tell me you are fed-up to the back tooth. You make me believe there is really nothing cool about this place. You remind me of friends I have missed at school. A claustrophobic feeling u created in me; telling me its time to fly the nest. I begin to believe u. I start to feel cooped up. And as the hammer of asuu strike loomed large over this our going-to-the-large-outdoors scheme you drag me with you into fervent wishes for a quick resolution.
Yes!! Victory at last! The Picket fence of asuu has been pulled out. Maybe its our prayers or just this cat jumping the way it sees fit but what do we care you tell me. Ecstasy!! You paint my innards red and dispense more of this red wine to your ever needy neighbors with renewed generosity. Finally, its time to go!
I got into your jubilant mood. I start to spread the good news. The in-advance goodbyes I started to roll out. Then it hits me! You have closed up bar. You stopped singing with me from this hymn book you wrote. Then it kicks in.You ask me to take a good look at the beautiful faces,sobered by my news of leaving once again. "Are u really gonna leave them?",you ask. Wait! Have you forgotten the horrible place called hostel you are going to? The nights on empty or inadequately filled tank? The sadistic and obnoxious lecturers that threaten you with banging of their course and others that bludgeon you into doing their will with threats of mark subtraction of various degree of kelvin? "Are you sure you want to rush back to all these and leave the comfort home has to offer?", you pressed-on. You conjured up a million and one reasons why am going to miss home and a thousand more why I shouldn't even want to leave home in the first place. This must be what they call mixed feelings! What was our victory is now turning to dust and ashes in our mouth... Except you haven't got one.
Again I am swayed. with a heavy heart I packed the bags. " couldn't I stay one more week?". "Okay,four days at least"?. "How about just one day"?, I beseeched. It didn't really matter what questions I asked. The answer Reason offered was always compelling and the same "no,it has to be today! You have shilly-shallied long enough!"
As I reluctantly lifted my bag, I made myself a promise " never again will I let my heart play me". But if I call my heart treacherous for lying to me then I am a traitor to myself also because I just told myself a lie. It has lied me before and will certainly do it again. It cannot be helped,I sighed resignedly as the bus sped away,wistfully looking back at the waving hands of my little ones...hands that shrank into the distance in no time.
"Be carful what you wish for",I chided myself. But It cannot be helped I told myself, after all "the heart wants what it wants".馃槩
