Take a deep breath. Good. Now count to 10. Right. Now slap someone in their face. Nice. Feel better?
A girl said she met me at the vegetarian meetup... I don't think I've met herbivore.
What do you call a herd of masturbating cows? Beef strokin' off
Kids claim to be such big fans of Mickey Mouse, but you don't see them with an icechest full of Capri Sun tailgating for Disney On Ice.
ME: you don't look anything like your profile photo TINDER DATE: LOL no, that's my pug, Arthur *silence for 10mins* ME: is Arthur coming or
