If McDonald's was smart they'd serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
Text your dad ""egg salad sandwich"" four times in one day. He'll probably think his phone is broken.
I was playing a game of solitaire, but I only had a pack of Tarot cards I actually won, but 4 people died
An American bartender, an African bartender and an Asian bartender walk into a bar. And they start working right away. Damn, what a busy night.(: