Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat.
Why did the dog go into the water? Because he didn't want to be a hot dog.
What did the egg say when it was about to be hard boiled? It's gonna take a while to get me hard, because I just got laid by a chick!
What do you have when you just used the toilet and realized there's no toilet paper? A real mess on your hands.
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my dad did not screaming in terror like the passengers in his cab.