How does an apple a day keep the doctor away? When you take careful aim.
What do you call a psychic midget that just escaped prison? A small medium at large.
What's the difference between a robber and a politician? Politicians run BEFORE they steal your money.
What's the difference between a Dominican and a Cuban? Dominicans are close, but no cigar
I figured out why there are so many masturbation-related injuries that's when all the guardian angels cover their eyes