Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
What's the difference between an angel and a Scotsman? To one you say, ""Hey you, get off my cloud!"" The other: ""Hey McLoed, get off my ewe!""
What activity is easier as it gets harder? Pissing on the ceiling
My therapist diagnosed me with oppositional defiant disorder but I told them they were wrong.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't overcome my poker addiction but I think she's bluffing