What should a teacher take if he's run down? The number of the car that hit him.
Boss: You're late! You shoulda been here two hours ago! Me: Why? What happened two hours ago?
New guy: I really like your name Me: Thanks I got it for my birthday
You get in trouble for resisting arrest, but apparently you don't get extra credit for handcuffing yourself in advance.
I don't like LGBT community I mean, Bluetooth in LG devices isn't something amazing, is it?