A nurse reaches into her pocket and finds a rectal thermometer... ""Ugh, some asshole has my pen"", she thought.
My grandfather came back from the war... ...with a single arm. To this day, we still have no idea whose it is
PSA: If you have kids, do not label the box of your ...ahem.. special items ""Toys"". It's very awkward to explain.
What do you call a veterinarian that can only work on one animal? A doctor.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for mother's day? What did they do? They threw a sowprize party.