I never thought I was going to write about this, but looks like the opportunity has presented itself. The subject of mindfulness speaks similarly to me like when you would say about intentionality. Other times, I have had ways were mindfulness had to play a distinct role in my life, but an incident happened a few weeks back. Quite revealing, so I decided to talk about it today.
The girls in my dorm room and I have gotten a lot friendlier with each other. At least to a large extent. There’s this one who just became somewhat close to me, and one day, after escorting me to purchase some items from the market, she stopped laughing and said she had something to tell me, and since we're close now, it was better to air it. When I said she could go on, I wasn’t prepared for the next words she uttered.
She said, “Do you know that I disliked you a lot at first, Tessa?” I was stunned because I do not ever hear people say they didn’t like me at first. Maybe they may stop liking me later, but never at first. And then she explained. She talked about the first day she packed into the room. According to her, I was completely occupied with my PC and phone, and could not dignify her with even as much as a nod of acknowledgement. She said that she kept coming in with her suitcases and the other roommates tried to help her out and all that, but I was just there, minding my business and did not say a word.
She said that subsequent days were just like that. I got back from school, then slept, woke up, worked for hours on my PC, placed it daintily back inside my wardrobe, did more things on my phone and went to sleep. Not interacting with anyone. The conclusion she drew that I was rude and snobbish and thought I was better than everyone else. She said the first time she heard me laugh, she was stunned because she didn’t think I was capable of it. In the end, she said. “You’re a nice person, Tessa. And a lot of people come to love you for who you are later on, but you have an awful first impression.”
I was in indignation and said that she couldn’t possibly think of me like that, but later on, I got to think pretty hard about it. It didn’t help that I narrated this incident to my big sister and she agreed that my roommate had a point, and I could be seen as snobbish by people who do not know me.
I am the type of lady who has a smile ready for anyone as far as they talk to me first. I do not speak to anyone unless spoken to. I’m always on my own and never reach out unless it’s absolutely necessary. I thought it was just me being me. I didn’t know that a lot of people took that as being arrogant.
On my quest to becoming a more mindful person, I realize that while I may not take everything my roommate said hook, line and sinker, I do have some things to work on. Like being more interactive, and perhaps not being too deep in my own shell. I do, however, believe that keeping to myself has saved me from a lot of drama and scandals that most people would find themselves in.
But I guess there’s a balance to things. I guess I can still be a more reserved person while being intentional about others. While being more aware of the people around me and my environment. Stepping a bit from the cocoon I’m constantly nestled in towards being more mindful about others is not such a bad idea.
But let’s see how it pans out?
P.S: A new roommate moved in today, and I walked up to her and asked, "Oh, would you need help moving in your luggage?"
Images are mine.
