WHY DO WE HIDE BEHIND LAUGHTER?
Are we scared of being vulnerable or because we've come to realise that not everyone in our lives cares.
Hello everyone, welcome to my blog.
Why do we hide behind our laughter, behind the word “I'm fine.”
Image source
My lecturer once said, if something is a secret, the only way it will remain a secret is to never tell it to anyone and it's the same as being vulnerable. It's a risk because it's just like handing an egg to someone and you trust them not to drop it.
And for some of us, deep down we want to talk to someone but we battle with the…
“WHAT IFS.”
What if they tell someone, what if they laugh, what if they now look at me differently.
Because of fear and rejection that's why a lot of people pretend everything is well with them.
But we were not born to be scared or afraid. As babies we will cry loudly and the adults try to figure out what is wrong.
But while growing up we were thought to be strong in a way that crying suddenly became a crime.
As a man you're not expected to cry but be a man that's what we were thought right?
And when we were teens when we open up to our friends and our friends who happen to have another friend turns it into gossip.
And when a grown adult shares their problems you will see people with different opinions you didn't ask for. Some will even compare your situation to theirs and make you see reasons why you shouldn't complain. And from there you wonder if it was wrong to express how you feel.
There was a lady in my department who was so funny. Sometimes during boring lectures she will somehow make us laugh, including the lecturer. She just knows how to lighten up the room and we all see her as one happy person.
But behind those smiles and laughter is a sad lady trying to find solace while making others happy.
One evening I went to our class to get my notes I had forgotten during the day and I saw her. At first I said to myself she can't be that quiet but for someone known by everyone you can easily tell when you see her from a distance.
So I went closer and indeed it was her though she placed her head on the table but I recognised her regardless.
but she was completely different from the lady I've always known.
I walked closer and I heard it. Her breath was shaky like someone trying all her best to catch her breath. Then it hit me at once. She was crying though not loudly but she was crying.
For 2 minutes I stood behind her not knowing what to do.
Then I called her name, no response. I walked closer enough so she could feel my presence, but she didn't move. Then I sat down beside her and asked what happened.
The moment that question came out of my mouth she raised her head, looked at me and hugged me so tight. I was shocked and didn't know what was going on at that very moment. I didn't know what to do, whether to hug her or how to console her.
For a few minutes we were in that position and then she stopped crying.
I asked her what happened again and she started explaining how she has been going through a lot and kept telling herself she is going to be fine but that day her heart feels heavy like it was going to burst and she just couldn't hold her emotions any longer.
I'm not good at advising people so I just told her to follow me. We went to the canteen and I bought her meat pie and soda.
I know you all will ask why? But my mum will say have you eaten anytime I complain about headaches and when I say no she will give me food and I will be alright haha 😂
I know her situation was different but she lit up a little when I got her the snacks and I told her everything was going to be alright.
I used to be like that too when I was a teen, just that my case was different. I'm happy when I'm in school but when I'm at home I don't talk to anyone or try to make anyone happy. I just sit quietly and read my books. Not because I wasn't loved at home but because As the first child and first daughter of my parents I want to be strong for everyone, I don't want to be looked pitiful.
But I was wrong and I realised that people who genuinely love me doesn't want to see my performance they also want to be there for me during my hard times.
And I also learnt that you don't upon up to everyone because not everyone is ready to share in your pains and that's not a problem.
If you're reading this post and the word
“I'm fine.” has become a rehearsed word in your mind I want you to know that you can be strong, make people happy and still say “I'm not okay.”
It doesn't make you weak, they make you feel genuine and honest.
Thank you so much for stopping by.
Bye for now.❤️